Disclaimer: The following post is a stroll down memory lane. Oh... And can somebody please tell me if ONLY Deltas are invited to The South Atlantic Regional Conference's Step Show in Charleston on Friday, August 5th? Because yall know I'm hosting it and my next ex happens to be a Sigma Gamma Rho and she wants to come support. Welp: Here it goes:
Last year, I was talking to one of my homegirls on some potential "I want her" type ish. But she knew me for a long time, so she knew my ways. (Ahem, I mean, old ways.) This was proving to be more work than I bargained for at the time. But I decided to be "serious" because I knew I wanted that quality when I was done with just being ratchet outchea. She came to see me at work. And I was giving her WAAAAYYYYY too many compliments and overdosin on looking in her eyes and ish.
So she like, "Dukes? Really? So, what are you saying?"
On some desert thirsty type ish my response was, "I'm saying that you are beautiful inside and out. With a great heart and you have your head on straight. I would drop ALL my "friends" to talk to you.
"Seriously Dukes?"
"Seriously..."
"Boi... Stop. I've never seen you serious about anything, but that."
And she pointed at the 107.3 Jamz tent. "You mean work?"
"Yep..."
I stepped back and thought about it. Dang... That's as real as it gets. Work is ny life. That's what I enjoy doing. Two things I love... 1.) Santa Clause 2.) Making money. And the best thing about making money is that I'm doing what I love. But why is work so "fun" to me? 1.) It's my Passion and purpose. And 2.) You get out what you out in. If I keep at it, then success HAS to come. You can't be a bug a boo when it's your career. If you want a job and you call the manager EVERY SINGLE DAY for an entire month and they STILL say, "We're not hiring right now", then when a position finally does become available, bet money you will be the FIRST person they call. Yall have no clue how many doors were slammed in my face and I just stood there until they opened them again, how many gigs I had to take for "free", how many people told me, "No... No... No... Damn, ok. YEA!" Because if I can get my foot in the door then you will see the Passion that I have and you won't regret it!
But since I started this post with a "situation", let's end it with one. When it comes to two people, "work" is in no way comparable to any "situation". Why? Because you NEVER get out what you put in! I used to think that, but Nah... You get out what the other person is willing to give. (Think on that for a minute) No matter how hard you "work", you can't tell another person how to feel about you. Tank has a song out right now that says, "I can't make you love me... If you don't." Damn Tank all in his feelings and ish. But that's real! No matter what you do and how often you do it, your personal feelings do NOT reflect how the other person feels. Back to communication.
And I see now how females f&%$ up. Check: take what the MOTHA F-ER says. No interpretation. Black and white, and if the outcome is not pleasant, then they should have meant what they said. Ladies, if you ask your dude, "Dang... Babe, what we doing?" And his response is, "You know I care about you bae" kisses you on your forehead and walks away. Take it for THAT! Females be too busy trying to interpret ish. If you have female friends, then you know what I'm talking about. Pay attention to their conversations when they're going through.
"So, Dukes... We haven't talked in three days, but be just texted me. I guess everything is ok now."
"What he say?"
"Look... 'Well... I DO have to work in the morning, but if you suckin and f*&%in' I will come through."
And after they tell you the WHOLE story, the next question is ALWAYS, "Now, what u think that mean?"
HUH? ARE YOU READING THE SAME SHIT I'M READING????? I guess I'm supposed to say, "That means he's sorry for not calling. He was busy because you know his grandma is sick. But even though he will be tired, he still wants to come over and make passionate love tonight." Nooooooooooooo... B?*&%! That means, "If you are putting your mouth on his penis and letting him hit it from the back, he will be there at 10pm Sharp, if not, he's taking his ass to BED!" No grey area. That was black and white! A while back, I told my homegirl about a situation and her response was, "Don't be sad... I think she means..." WHOA! *Jamie Foxx hand* EEEEEEEERRRRRR.... NO B?*%$! Stop right there. ARE YOU READING THE SAME SHIT I'M READING* It is what it is... *drops mic*
Summary:
1.) Take it for what it is...
2.) Grey areas really don't exist.
3.) Don't take my advice.
4.) Church hugs are of the devil.
5.) Follow me on Twitter @jaydukes1911
Jay Dukes aka Mr. Million Dollars aka Mr. "Hey... You Look Familiar"
Monday, July 25, 2011
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Good Sportsmanship: Learning to Lose
Disclaimer: If you think I'm talking about YOU, you have my number! And if you don't, somebody you know probably does. Just give me a call. AND... Just because I'm hosting DST's South Atlantic Regional Conference Step Show in Charleston, SC, on Friday, August 5th, doesn't mean I don't love other sororities! But did YOU ask me to host YOUR conference? *crickets* Also, don't judge me. And... Enjoy. Here it goes:
I hate losing. ABSOLUTELY hate it! With a passion. Like, seriously... But I had to learn to lose. And pause: I am NOT talking about game night. I'm definitely ALWAYS the winner! Even when playing my little neice. She's 7 and a half. We play the Dora The Explorer Matching Game. And I whoop up on her- BAD. Why? 1.) Because I don't lose. 2.) And because she talks shit. Too grown. 7 going on 27. "That's a parrot... and a PARRRROOOOOTTTT... That's TWO nigga! In ya FACE! How many you got?" As I look at my empty pile, "Man... it's still early in the game!" And best believe the ending score is 32 to TWO! I WIN! Pause: And you thinking "Dukes, you have to let the children win!" Play: Uh... NO! She's learning early that NOBODY is going to give her SHIT! Straight up! And this is a great way to teach her! lol...
But when it comes to this Compromising thing, then you MUST learn to lose. Because if you LOSE... You really win! Wait for it... wait... for it... Perfect example: Me and my lil' lady went to Dave N Busters the other day. And I was hype as shit bc I'm a big ass kid! (As you can tell.) And all I could think about was when we were in Atlanta and went. They had a 25- foot helicopter type thing. Life-size cars that rumbled when u hit a wall, prostitutes for 100 tickets, a fairy god mother that made more tokens appear and all kinds of ish. Woooooooo Weeeeee... this is going to be fun!
Of course she didn't want to go and it was evident. Because her homegirl, but my BEST FRIEND, asks, "Ummm... why are yall going to Dave N Busters?" And she hit her with the beat box, "-sucks teeth- Pa Ta shhh... I don't even know..." And I'm taken back by this. WHOA... I just wanted to spend time. Goodness! Gee Willagers! So I'm thinking, "Look Ms. Lady... I baked cupcakes with ya ass, you ARE playing Time Crisis 3 with ME!" But I saaaaaaiiiiiidddddd, "For real babe? We don't have to go if you don't want to..." <---- You paying attention? That was a LOSS on my part! (CCB for me. CCB means Clap, Clap, Bravo) And if she would have responded, "Yea... babe, let's go somewhere else..." Then I would have been thinking, "You selfish heifer!" But she said, "No... babe, that's fine. You ready?" <--- She also took an "L". (Clap, clap, clap) Because if your partner gets their way, then somehow you will get your way also. I don't know Charlotte like that. But SHE did! Because I had NO clue that Dave N Busters was IN the mall. And we went to 12 different stores so she could try on shoes and dresses before I saw ANY flashing lights or basketball or anything!
Another example: If you lose FIRST, then the courteous thing for your partner to do, is put the ball back in your court.
Me- "Hey... I'm coming up there today."
"Ok... Oooo... Where we going?"
BOOM! Now's the time... take the loss NOW! Right now? Yes... Right now! "Wherever you want to go babe."<---- Yes... Good job. Because if she was raised right, her response will be the following:
"Ummmm... Where you want to go?"
FUCK YYYYYEEEEEAAAASSSSSS.... Woot! Woot! Now I don't look selfish because I gave her the opportunity to pick. But I refuse to go back an forth like, "You want a sip? Take I sip? I take a sip? Then sip, sip?" *K. Hart Voice*
So, let's see if you have learned anything yet? If SHE says, "Ummm... Where you want to go?" What do you do? Two choices. Go to YOUR favorite restaurant (win) or go to HER favorite restaurant (lose)???? I'll wait...
Answer: HER FAVORITE restuarant! Duh... B*&^%! Because if you go to YOUR favorite restaurant you dumb. Mine happens to be Applebee's because I LOVE the Honey BBQ boneless wings. But if I go to Applebee's and save a couple dollars with the 2 for $20, I (won) because we at Applebee's. I (loss) because I have forfeited EVERY OTHER ASPECT of the date! As a dude you only get ONE decision per date.
"Hey... Welcome to Applebee's. Two? Smoking or Non?"
She answers: "NON!"
"Could I start you off with drinks? Do you need a minute to look at the menu?"
Stomach growling like Hell. I'm ready to order. I knew what I wanted YESTERDAY! But again, SHE answers: "Waters. No lemon. And yes, we need a minute."
Because now... this is the time for her to sway me from what she KNOWS I'm thinking. I'm like, "Appetizer- Honey BBQ wings. My entree- Parmesan Sirloin". But her plan is, "OOOO... babe. I LOOOOVVVVEEE the Spinach dip. Try something new. And do I want the pasta or chicken fingers? Hmmm..."
And I'm confused like everything, because I don't know or care what tha f*&^ YOU want. I'm ready to order...
"Ok... Are you all ready? I will start with the lady first."
AGAIN... here SHE goes, "WE want the 2 for $20."
"Ok..."
"For the appetizer we want the SPINACH DIP. And for my entree, WE want The Chicken Pasta. And for HIS entree, WE want the Chicken Fingers. *looks up at me* So, that way I don't have to choose. I can just get some of yours!" And all that really means is, "Applebee's nigga??? I WIN!"
WHAT THA' F*&^????
Even with sex, learn to LOSE... Check: Sex is like Gasoline. There are THREE levels of sex. 87, 89 and 93! Unleaded, Regular and Premium. And Ladies, you like to think that you are worth Premium or at least Regular everytime... WHAT?!?!?! You bumped ya F*&^in' head! $40 of Premium will get me to work and back JUST today. But $28 of Unleaded will last till I get paid. As a dude, it's roughly three times you give a chick Premium.
1.) The FIRST time you fuck her.
2.) Make up sex and
3.) Birthdays.
Sex on the regular gets REGULAR... That's just doing too much. I shouldn't have to make you nut EVERYTIME. Back to compromise. Let me get off and go to sleep sometimes. Don't think it's always about YOU! SSSSHHHHIIIITTTT... I know you are a High Performance/Maintenance vehicle. But regular is FINE. (Did you know you can put regular fuel in a Mercedes or BMW? If it starts acting crazy, just add Fuel Injector Cleaner or some shit like that.) In this case... If she's tired of Regular, the fuel injector would be random head. Just wait till she gets out of the shower, bang on the door. Pick her up, put her on your shoulders. Eat her like a (dawg), hand her her hairbrush and go back to sleep.<---- FUEL Injector.
And where is the LOSS here? If she's happy, I'm happy! The loss is with these HOES! You can not, I repeat, you can NOT, give 93 to chicks you don't care about. AT ALL!!!! And the same for females. If you ride better than a cowgirl, and you not feeling him like that, just lay there... Now you wondering why he keeps blowing up your phone and sending random ass smiley face texts. And no... It might not look good on your record that you didn't "put it down", but it was for the best- I PROMISE!
Summary:
1.) When you Lose, You WIN!
2.) Hoes gone be hoes so I couldn't blame Tammy
3.) Don't take my advice
4.) Wait till my next blog
5.) Follow me on Twitter @jaydukes1911
Jay Dukes aka Mr. Million Dollars aka Mr. "Hey... You Look Familiar"
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
I hate losing. ABSOLUTELY hate it! With a passion. Like, seriously... But I had to learn to lose. And pause: I am NOT talking about game night. I'm definitely ALWAYS the winner! Even when playing my little neice. She's 7 and a half. We play the Dora The Explorer Matching Game. And I whoop up on her- BAD. Why? 1.) Because I don't lose. 2.) And because she talks shit. Too grown. 7 going on 27. "That's a parrot... and a PARRRROOOOOTTTT... That's TWO nigga! In ya FACE! How many you got?" As I look at my empty pile, "Man... it's still early in the game!" And best believe the ending score is 32 to TWO! I WIN! Pause: And you thinking "Dukes, you have to let the children win!" Play: Uh... NO! She's learning early that NOBODY is going to give her SHIT! Straight up! And this is a great way to teach her! lol...
But when it comes to this Compromising thing, then you MUST learn to lose. Because if you LOSE... You really win! Wait for it... wait... for it... Perfect example: Me and my lil' lady went to Dave N Busters the other day. And I was hype as shit bc I'm a big ass kid! (As you can tell.) And all I could think about was when we were in Atlanta and went. They had a 25- foot helicopter type thing. Life-size cars that rumbled when u hit a wall, prostitutes for 100 tickets, a fairy god mother that made more tokens appear and all kinds of ish. Woooooooo Weeeeee... this is going to be fun!
Of course she didn't want to go and it was evident. Because her homegirl, but my BEST FRIEND, asks, "Ummm... why are yall going to Dave N Busters?" And she hit her with the beat box, "-sucks teeth- Pa Ta shhh... I don't even know..." And I'm taken back by this. WHOA... I just wanted to spend time. Goodness! Gee Willagers! So I'm thinking, "Look Ms. Lady... I baked cupcakes with ya ass, you ARE playing Time Crisis 3 with ME!" But I saaaaaaiiiiiidddddd, "For real babe? We don't have to go if you don't want to..." <---- You paying attention? That was a LOSS on my part! (CCB for me. CCB means Clap, Clap, Bravo) And if she would have responded, "Yea... babe, let's go somewhere else..." Then I would have been thinking, "You selfish heifer!" But she said, "No... babe, that's fine. You ready?" <--- She also took an "L". (Clap, clap, clap) Because if your partner gets their way, then somehow you will get your way also. I don't know Charlotte like that. But SHE did! Because I had NO clue that Dave N Busters was IN the mall. And we went to 12 different stores so she could try on shoes and dresses before I saw ANY flashing lights or basketball or anything!
Another example: If you lose FIRST, then the courteous thing for your partner to do, is put the ball back in your court.
Me- "Hey... I'm coming up there today."
"Ok... Oooo... Where we going?"
BOOM! Now's the time... take the loss NOW! Right now? Yes... Right now! "Wherever you want to go babe."<---- Yes... Good job. Because if she was raised right, her response will be the following:
"Ummmm... Where you want to go?"
FUCK YYYYYEEEEEAAAASSSSSS.... Woot! Woot! Now I don't look selfish because I gave her the opportunity to pick. But I refuse to go back an forth like, "You want a sip? Take I sip? I take a sip? Then sip, sip?" *K. Hart Voice*
So, let's see if you have learned anything yet? If SHE says, "Ummm... Where you want to go?" What do you do? Two choices. Go to YOUR favorite restaurant (win) or go to HER favorite restaurant (lose)???? I'll wait...
Answer: HER FAVORITE restuarant! Duh... B*&^%! Because if you go to YOUR favorite restaurant you dumb. Mine happens to be Applebee's because I LOVE the Honey BBQ boneless wings. But if I go to Applebee's and save a couple dollars with the 2 for $20, I (won) because we at Applebee's. I (loss) because I have forfeited EVERY OTHER ASPECT of the date! As a dude you only get ONE decision per date.
"Hey... Welcome to Applebee's. Two? Smoking or Non?"
She answers: "NON!"
"Could I start you off with drinks? Do you need a minute to look at the menu?"
Stomach growling like Hell. I'm ready to order. I knew what I wanted YESTERDAY! But again, SHE answers: "Waters. No lemon. And yes, we need a minute."
Because now... this is the time for her to sway me from what she KNOWS I'm thinking. I'm like, "Appetizer- Honey BBQ wings. My entree- Parmesan Sirloin". But her plan is, "OOOO... babe. I LOOOOVVVVEEE the Spinach dip. Try something new. And do I want the pasta or chicken fingers? Hmmm..."
And I'm confused like everything, because I don't know or care what tha f*&^ YOU want. I'm ready to order...
"Ok... Are you all ready? I will start with the lady first."
AGAIN... here SHE goes, "WE want the 2 for $20."
"Ok..."
"For the appetizer we want the SPINACH DIP. And for my entree, WE want The Chicken Pasta. And for HIS entree, WE want the Chicken Fingers. *looks up at me* So, that way I don't have to choose. I can just get some of yours!" And all that really means is, "Applebee's nigga??? I WIN!"
WHAT THA' F*&^????
Even with sex, learn to LOSE... Check: Sex is like Gasoline. There are THREE levels of sex. 87, 89 and 93! Unleaded, Regular and Premium. And Ladies, you like to think that you are worth Premium or at least Regular everytime... WHAT?!?!?! You bumped ya F*&^in' head! $40 of Premium will get me to work and back JUST today. But $28 of Unleaded will last till I get paid. As a dude, it's roughly three times you give a chick Premium.
1.) The FIRST time you fuck her.
2.) Make up sex and
3.) Birthdays.
Sex on the regular gets REGULAR... That's just doing too much. I shouldn't have to make you nut EVERYTIME. Back to compromise. Let me get off and go to sleep sometimes. Don't think it's always about YOU! SSSSHHHHIIIITTTT... I know you are a High Performance/Maintenance vehicle. But regular is FINE. (Did you know you can put regular fuel in a Mercedes or BMW? If it starts acting crazy, just add Fuel Injector Cleaner or some shit like that.) In this case... If she's tired of Regular, the fuel injector would be random head. Just wait till she gets out of the shower, bang on the door. Pick her up, put her on your shoulders. Eat her like a (dawg), hand her her hairbrush and go back to sleep.<---- FUEL Injector.
And where is the LOSS here? If she's happy, I'm happy! The loss is with these HOES! You can not, I repeat, you can NOT, give 93 to chicks you don't care about. AT ALL!!!! And the same for females. If you ride better than a cowgirl, and you not feeling him like that, just lay there... Now you wondering why he keeps blowing up your phone and sending random ass smiley face texts. And no... It might not look good on your record that you didn't "put it down", but it was for the best- I PROMISE!
Summary:
1.) When you Lose, You WIN!
2.) Hoes gone be hoes so I couldn't blame Tammy
3.) Don't take my advice
4.) Wait till my next blog
5.) Follow me on Twitter @jaydukes1911
Jay Dukes aka Mr. Million Dollars aka Mr. "Hey... You Look Familiar"
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Sunday, July 17, 2011
African American Health issues
Disclaimer: If you are in church, come back and read later. I will try not to go too deep into this one. But you never know... Oh... And if your last name is NOT Dukes then your mom is NOT the REAL Ma Dukes! So... Please stop being disrespectful. And Ma Dukes' birthday happens to be tomorrow, July 18th. So, feel free to call and wish her Happy Birthday. I will love you forever. The number starts with 864-316-(You only have four other numbers to figure out). Welp... Here it goes:
Let's stop being STUPID! We always heard an apple a day keeps the doctor away. But I don't care how many apples, oranges or mangos you eat EVERY SINGLE DAY, sometimes you just need to go to the doctor. Some of us hate going to the doctor. Alot of us don't have insurance. That's understandable. But they WILL bill you! Word? YES... Check ups are important people. Please go and get checked out... for real. Ok... I'm done.
Summary:
1.) I'm bullshittin about being done.
2.) Keep reading below
More importantly than just going for a check up, we HAVE to STOP playing with our lives. It really disturbs me that there is an alarming rate of "us" who don't go get tested. Seriously...? Be on some ish like, "Man... I don't want to know!" Do you know you can DIE now?! Have you heard of HIV? Have you heard of AIDS? And the crazy thing is... we don't talk about it! Like it's a big secret or unheard of now-a-days.
I personally believe that that should be discussed EARLY in the game. First time I even kiss you, my next question is, "So... babe, when the last time you got tested?" Pause: And you thinking, "Damn... Dukes, that will definitely kill the mood." F*&^ Mr. Mood, at least it won't kill ME! Play: "So, babe when the last time you got tested?" And if her response is, "Ummm... Hold on... I was just with DeShaun so... before that... Ummmm... Wait... I think?!" Imma be on some other ish FOR REAL. Pause: I can hear females cheering, "That's right Dukes. Your body is the temple. Put back on your clothes and ride." Play: Uhhhhh... NO! I'm still gonna kill her. Just going to put on TWO condoms and try to tuck my balls down inside the condom. #imjussayin
That HIV and AIDS ish is NOTHING to play with. Why? Because it's not made for "us". Us meaning broke people. HIV is not a broke person's virus. AIDS is not a broke person's disease. I can afford to sleep bucked naked with one sheet under a ceiling fan on high, bc I can AFFORD Thera Flu if I get a cold. I can afford to over-think work and stress myself out bc I can AFFORD Tylenol! I can eat jelly beans and gum drops for breakfast, lunch AND F*&^in' dinner bc I can AFFORD Pepto-Bismol. But making $500-$750 a week, you can NOT afford to take 20 pills a day at $100 dollars a pill! Why is Magic Johnson still living? Because he has that kind of money. And you thinking, "Dukes, I'm good. I got GOOD insurance!" You dumb, stupid MOTHA F&^%ER! You can't have insurance with AIDS. They snatch that SHIT! Like a little kid roaming the streets, they TAKE em bc you didn't care enough to look after them. And you didn't care about your body enough to do what you had to do, so let me get that... AIDS is going to take your life and the white man is going to take your INSURANCE!
And yea... You might feel fine or whatever, but if you haven't been tested, then you DON'T KNOW! And stop being a little baby. It's just a needle. If you old enough to stick, you old enough to get stuck. Perfect example: It was NO reason, I should have been scared as shit when I got tested a couple weeks back, but I was! Number 1, I was at WORK. And I wanted to lead by example. But I knew... that if that test came back positive then they were going to make an example out of my a$$! I would have been doing free speaking engagements and RIP voiceovers and all kinds of dumb ish. This is what happened, "The lady came outside, in front of EVERYBODY she yells, "Ok... Number 3, you up!" And I'm thinking, "Damn... What if I didn't want people to know. Even though she didn't say my name, she STILL said Number 3 and pointed at me! Cause my goal was going to be, just pick up the paper before we leave and that way if it's BAD News then I can just say, "Damn... I forgot to get my results." So we walk down the hall to this confidentiality room, but the b*&^% is LOCKED!
My first thoughts are, "If I'm number three why is this room locked? What tha F&^% is so important about my test results that out of THREE people, I'm the FIRST one who has to go in this room?" Talking about ya boi bout to CRY! SSSSHHHHIIIIITTTTT... So she goes up and down the hall looking for the key with my test IN HER HAND! Finally, I stopped her and said, "Miss lady, F*&^ this room. Tell me NOW!" She looked around, "Nobody out her, right? Calm down. It's NON-Reactive. Means Negative. It's just proper procedure to go into the room to reveal the results." And I passed out. Right then and there. Next thing I know I was at home in my bed. Real shit. But I wouldn't have passed out if I didn't wait so long to get tested! You should get tested after EVERY new partner. That's just my philosophy. Waiting three and four partners will fuck you up. Because if you come back with something, how do you know who to come back and haunt when you die?
My friend (cough, cough) *looks to the left* got burnt one time. His name you ask? Matt! Yea... Matt got burnt one time. F*&^in' wit these hoes. He had an ole lady. That was good to him, at the time. And he just got greedy. Was messin with this older, fine, thick, model chick with real titties that looked like silicon, who was nasty as F&^%! Knew he had a girl and she had a dude. But on some ish like, "Nooo... Matt, what you need that condom for?" "You right baby..." Stupid, stupid, STUPID! Because one morning, he went to use the bathroom and let out a high-pitched scream, "WHAT THA F&^% IS THIS?!?!?!" And this type fire he couldn't call 911. "OOO... Ouch, ouch." So, he had to go to the doctor to get a shot. And check: The doctor DOESN'T test you if you are burning. He just gives you a shot and tells you to wait three days before intercourse again. Also, tell your partner to get tested just in case. Kinda like on Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married. "Nah... You got it from Walter... I was waiting on you to say something".
And ladies, take care of YOURSELF. Because if you are NOT his main, he doesn't give a SHIT about you. Cause I be da- I mean, Matt was DAMNED if he told the chick that got him. He told his old lady though. Just because,
"Noooo... wait... don't put your mouth right there!"
"Why babe?"
"Uhh... because I had to go to the doctor. When the last time you got tested?"
"WHAATTT.. Ummm?"
"Babe, it's been that long? Just go get tested please..."
"Uhhh... Ok." And she couldn't be mad because if you didn't get tested AFTER your last dude, EVEN if yall were "exclusive" then you DON'T know!
Do YOU know? Welp... I DO! Negative... *happy dance* Get like me!
Summary:
1.) Wait till you really get money to start being reckless.
2.) PLEASE get tested
3.) This time, take my advice
4.) Wait till my next blog
5.) Follow me on Twitter @jaydukes1911
Jay Dukes aka Mr. Million Dollars aka Mr. "Hey... You Look Familiar"
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Let's stop being STUPID! We always heard an apple a day keeps the doctor away. But I don't care how many apples, oranges or mangos you eat EVERY SINGLE DAY, sometimes you just need to go to the doctor. Some of us hate going to the doctor. Alot of us don't have insurance. That's understandable. But they WILL bill you! Word? YES... Check ups are important people. Please go and get checked out... for real. Ok... I'm done.
Summary:
1.) I'm bullshittin about being done.
2.) Keep reading below
More importantly than just going for a check up, we HAVE to STOP playing with our lives. It really disturbs me that there is an alarming rate of "us" who don't go get tested. Seriously...? Be on some ish like, "Man... I don't want to know!" Do you know you can DIE now?! Have you heard of HIV? Have you heard of AIDS? And the crazy thing is... we don't talk about it! Like it's a big secret or unheard of now-a-days.
I personally believe that that should be discussed EARLY in the game. First time I even kiss you, my next question is, "So... babe, when the last time you got tested?" Pause: And you thinking, "Damn... Dukes, that will definitely kill the mood." F*&^ Mr. Mood, at least it won't kill ME! Play: "So, babe when the last time you got tested?" And if her response is, "Ummm... Hold on... I was just with DeShaun so... before that... Ummmm... Wait... I think?!" Imma be on some other ish FOR REAL. Pause: I can hear females cheering, "That's right Dukes. Your body is the temple. Put back on your clothes and ride." Play: Uhhhhh... NO! I'm still gonna kill her. Just going to put on TWO condoms and try to tuck my balls down inside the condom. #imjussayin
That HIV and AIDS ish is NOTHING to play with. Why? Because it's not made for "us". Us meaning broke people. HIV is not a broke person's virus. AIDS is not a broke person's disease. I can afford to sleep bucked naked with one sheet under a ceiling fan on high, bc I can AFFORD Thera Flu if I get a cold. I can afford to over-think work and stress myself out bc I can AFFORD Tylenol! I can eat jelly beans and gum drops for breakfast, lunch AND F*&^in' dinner bc I can AFFORD Pepto-Bismol. But making $500-$750 a week, you can NOT afford to take 20 pills a day at $100 dollars a pill! Why is Magic Johnson still living? Because he has that kind of money. And you thinking, "Dukes, I'm good. I got GOOD insurance!" You dumb, stupid MOTHA F&^%ER! You can't have insurance with AIDS. They snatch that SHIT! Like a little kid roaming the streets, they TAKE em bc you didn't care enough to look after them. And you didn't care about your body enough to do what you had to do, so let me get that... AIDS is going to take your life and the white man is going to take your INSURANCE!
And yea... You might feel fine or whatever, but if you haven't been tested, then you DON'T KNOW! And stop being a little baby. It's just a needle. If you old enough to stick, you old enough to get stuck. Perfect example: It was NO reason, I should have been scared as shit when I got tested a couple weeks back, but I was! Number 1, I was at WORK. And I wanted to lead by example. But I knew... that if that test came back positive then they were going to make an example out of my a$$! I would have been doing free speaking engagements and RIP voiceovers and all kinds of dumb ish. This is what happened, "The lady came outside, in front of EVERYBODY she yells, "Ok... Number 3, you up!" And I'm thinking, "Damn... What if I didn't want people to know. Even though she didn't say my name, she STILL said Number 3 and pointed at me! Cause my goal was going to be, just pick up the paper before we leave and that way if it's BAD News then I can just say, "Damn... I forgot to get my results." So we walk down the hall to this confidentiality room, but the b*&^% is LOCKED!
My first thoughts are, "If I'm number three why is this room locked? What tha F&^% is so important about my test results that out of THREE people, I'm the FIRST one who has to go in this room?" Talking about ya boi bout to CRY! SSSSHHHHIIIIITTTTT... So she goes up and down the hall looking for the key with my test IN HER HAND! Finally, I stopped her and said, "Miss lady, F*&^ this room. Tell me NOW!" She looked around, "Nobody out her, right? Calm down. It's NON-Reactive. Means Negative. It's just proper procedure to go into the room to reveal the results." And I passed out. Right then and there. Next thing I know I was at home in my bed. Real shit. But I wouldn't have passed out if I didn't wait so long to get tested! You should get tested after EVERY new partner. That's just my philosophy. Waiting three and four partners will fuck you up. Because if you come back with something, how do you know who to come back and haunt when you die?
My friend (cough, cough) *looks to the left* got burnt one time. His name you ask? Matt! Yea... Matt got burnt one time. F*&^in' wit these hoes. He had an ole lady. That was good to him, at the time. And he just got greedy. Was messin with this older, fine, thick, model chick with real titties that looked like silicon, who was nasty as F&^%! Knew he had a girl and she had a dude. But on some ish like, "Nooo... Matt, what you need that condom for?" "You right baby..." Stupid, stupid, STUPID! Because one morning, he went to use the bathroom and let out a high-pitched scream, "WHAT THA F&^% IS THIS?!?!?!" And this type fire he couldn't call 911. "OOO... Ouch, ouch." So, he had to go to the doctor to get a shot. And check: The doctor DOESN'T test you if you are burning. He just gives you a shot and tells you to wait three days before intercourse again. Also, tell your partner to get tested just in case. Kinda like on Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married. "Nah... You got it from Walter... I was waiting on you to say something".
And ladies, take care of YOURSELF. Because if you are NOT his main, he doesn't give a SHIT about you. Cause I be da- I mean, Matt was DAMNED if he told the chick that got him. He told his old lady though. Just because,
"Noooo... wait... don't put your mouth right there!"
"Why babe?"
"Uhh... because I had to go to the doctor. When the last time you got tested?"
"WHAATTT.. Ummm?"
"Babe, it's been that long? Just go get tested please..."
"Uhhh... Ok." And she couldn't be mad because if you didn't get tested AFTER your last dude, EVEN if yall were "exclusive" then you DON'T know!
Do YOU know? Welp... I DO! Negative... *happy dance* Get like me!
Summary:
1.) Wait till you really get money to start being reckless.
2.) PLEASE get tested
3.) This time, take my advice
4.) Wait till my next blog
5.) Follow me on Twitter @jaydukes1911
Jay Dukes aka Mr. Million Dollars aka Mr. "Hey... You Look Familiar"
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Friday, July 15, 2011
Wife or Wifey?! Which one are you... AND Why?
Disclaimer: I am NOT an expert. I just speak on what the people want, in my OWN WAY! So, if you don't like it... kick rocks! *shrug* (Deep breath, long sigh) Welp... Here it goes:
If a dude is not about games anymore, then he might be ready to be a "title" man. Not saying he on some Keith Sweat begging type ish like, "Baby... Dang, when you gonna let me make you my girl?" But just not opposed to the idea of being in a monogamous, exclusive "situation". (Situation sounds WAY... better than Relationship. Honestly, I STILL think I'm allergic to that word. lol...)
But it flattens my pancakes when females who have their ish together, are NOT in a committed relationship, BUT quick to scream, "Whoa... I'm taken!" Where ya ring at boo?
Pause: If you are 25+ with no stomach, you are too sexy to be single! And this is just my opinion. I don't care if you are shaped like a twig, a Coke bottle or a brick of Cocaine; a flat stomach is the sexiest thing in the WORLD! Well... second (First is nice teeth) And why is a sexy stomach important? Here it goes: After I finish treating you like my third plate at Thanksgiving and I get up ready to do that thang to you, I like to brace myself. Personally, I think the "perfect brace" is both hands on the STOMACH! And I don't want my hands sinking in like silly putty. Pay attention people... *hoodrat voice* "Why both hands? You don't use one hand to put it in?" Oh... That's easy. Response: No! Because my penis doesn't need any assistance. He has a mind of his own. Yes, I used to be the guy that had to "guide it in" there. But that was when I still had training wheels on my Track Racer 5 Speed: Hey Arnold Edition! But wait... wait... WAIT! Being sexy does NOT, I repeat, does NOT make you attractive. So, don't get beside yourself! If you NEED weave and make-up, do what you have to do! It's your life and nobody can live it but YOU ma'am! Play: I say that to say; stop banking on an uncertain future, and making yourself "unavailable" to possible great opportunities.
So, if you are soooooo in love and not married, or close to it, then you either crazy or he is F*&^in' up! Don't be quick to holla, "I'm taken", because if you are mentally AND emotionally locked down, head over heels and blah, blah, blah, without a ring on your finger then being "taken" just means he's TAKING too Damn long! #imjussayin. And nooo... You might not have it all together yet, so walking down the isle tomorrow is not an option. Carmelo made La La wait longer than than it took George Bush to send troops for Katrina victums. But at least that's the point where you KNOW for sure... Until then, you REALLY don't know. You might think you know... But you have doubts. Just be real...
NOW... A wife or wifey? A wife has a ring- point, blank, period. But a wifey? Male perspective- That's the closest I can get to that word without freakin the f- out! Means... I have someone I love and care about deeply. To that point of, "Aey... Aey... Shut up Steve. I ain't gone take another shot. But, be quiet, wifey's on the phone!" It's a respect thing. Females perspective- "I have a key to his crib, I handle his accounts, he say he loves me...Ugh... The "y" in wifey must stand for (WHY) hasn't he taken us serious yet?" But "serious" might as well be a synonym for "beauty" bc it seems that everybody has a different definition. That's where Communication is the key... Talk it out and make it clear. Kind of like business negotiations. Once they present the proposal, you can seal the deal or either give a counter offer. If you can't come to a COMPROMISE, then the meeting is over.
Pause: Compromise is NOT a grey area word. You can compromise a favorite restaurant, or favorite vacation spot. But please do NOT compromise your MORALS. "Because if you don't stand for something... (Yall know this one) *holds out mic*. Think about what you WON'T stand for and stick to that. For me, it's a female that smokes. Even though I don't drink, I tolerate that. Just don't come around me drunk. Also, the longing to put God first is a big one for me. And why did I phrase it like that? Because nobody is perfect. But I am NOT content with "I just don't go to church anymore" or "Prayer doesn't work for me." All it takes, for me, is the acknowledgement of "I know I need to do better by reading my Bible and praying, etc". Because that's something that me and the lil' lady can work on together. Have you thought about what you won't stand for? Have you heard that your reasons are silly or a little too extra? My response to that is... F*&^ THEM because what you want is what you should get! Anything less is settling. Why waste time?
And I'm NOT preaching ultimatums at all. Whatever works for you, works for you. These are just MY thoughts.
Summary:
1.) Work on your stomach. A bathing suit and baby bump is NOT attractive. Especially without a baby inside.
2.) Put your foot down on what you are looking for.
3.) Please don't take my advice
4.) Tweet me what you think my next blog should be about.
Jay Dukes aka Mr. Million Dollars aka Mr. "Hey... You Look Familiar"
If a dude is not about games anymore, then he might be ready to be a "title" man. Not saying he on some Keith Sweat begging type ish like, "Baby... Dang, when you gonna let me make you my girl?" But just not opposed to the idea of being in a monogamous, exclusive "situation". (Situation sounds WAY... better than Relationship. Honestly, I STILL think I'm allergic to that word. lol...)
But it flattens my pancakes when females who have their ish together, are NOT in a committed relationship, BUT quick to scream, "Whoa... I'm taken!" Where ya ring at boo?
Pause: If you are 25+ with no stomach, you are too sexy to be single! And this is just my opinion. I don't care if you are shaped like a twig, a Coke bottle or a brick of Cocaine; a flat stomach is the sexiest thing in the WORLD! Well... second (First is nice teeth) And why is a sexy stomach important? Here it goes: After I finish treating you like my third plate at Thanksgiving and I get up ready to do that thang to you, I like to brace myself. Personally, I think the "perfect brace" is both hands on the STOMACH! And I don't want my hands sinking in like silly putty. Pay attention people... *hoodrat voice* "Why both hands? You don't use one hand to put it in?" Oh... That's easy. Response: No! Because my penis doesn't need any assistance. He has a mind of his own. Yes, I used to be the guy that had to "guide it in" there. But that was when I still had training wheels on my Track Racer 5 Speed: Hey Arnold Edition! But wait... wait... WAIT! Being sexy does NOT, I repeat, does NOT make you attractive. So, don't get beside yourself! If you NEED weave and make-up, do what you have to do! It's your life and nobody can live it but YOU ma'am! Play: I say that to say; stop banking on an uncertain future, and making yourself "unavailable" to possible great opportunities.
So, if you are soooooo in love and not married, or close to it, then you either crazy or he is F*&^in' up! Don't be quick to holla, "I'm taken", because if you are mentally AND emotionally locked down, head over heels and blah, blah, blah, without a ring on your finger then being "taken" just means he's TAKING too Damn long! #imjussayin. And nooo... You might not have it all together yet, so walking down the isle tomorrow is not an option. Carmelo made La La wait longer than than it took George Bush to send troops for Katrina victums. But at least that's the point where you KNOW for sure... Until then, you REALLY don't know. You might think you know... But you have doubts. Just be real...
NOW... A wife or wifey? A wife has a ring- point, blank, period. But a wifey? Male perspective- That's the closest I can get to that word without freakin the f- out! Means... I have someone I love and care about deeply. To that point of, "Aey... Aey... Shut up Steve. I ain't gone take another shot. But, be quiet, wifey's on the phone!" It's a respect thing. Females perspective- "I have a key to his crib, I handle his accounts, he say he loves me...Ugh... The "y" in wifey must stand for (WHY) hasn't he taken us serious yet?" But "serious" might as well be a synonym for "beauty" bc it seems that everybody has a different definition. That's where Communication is the key... Talk it out and make it clear. Kind of like business negotiations. Once they present the proposal, you can seal the deal or either give a counter offer. If you can't come to a COMPROMISE, then the meeting is over.
Pause: Compromise is NOT a grey area word. You can compromise a favorite restaurant, or favorite vacation spot. But please do NOT compromise your MORALS. "Because if you don't stand for something... (Yall know this one) *holds out mic*. Think about what you WON'T stand for and stick to that. For me, it's a female that smokes. Even though I don't drink, I tolerate that. Just don't come around me drunk. Also, the longing to put God first is a big one for me. And why did I phrase it like that? Because nobody is perfect. But I am NOT content with "I just don't go to church anymore" or "Prayer doesn't work for me." All it takes, for me, is the acknowledgement of "I know I need to do better by reading my Bible and praying, etc". Because that's something that me and the lil' lady can work on together. Have you thought about what you won't stand for? Have you heard that your reasons are silly or a little too extra? My response to that is... F*&^ THEM because what you want is what you should get! Anything less is settling. Why waste time?
And I'm NOT preaching ultimatums at all. Whatever works for you, works for you. These are just MY thoughts.
Summary:
1.) Work on your stomach. A bathing suit and baby bump is NOT attractive. Especially without a baby inside.
2.) Put your foot down on what you are looking for.
3.) Please don't take my advice
4.) Tweet me what you think my next blog should be about.
Jay Dukes aka Mr. Million Dollars aka Mr. "Hey... You Look Familiar"
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Stay in YOUR Lane
Disclaimer: The following blog is EXTREMELY exaggerated. But you be the judge of what's truth or not. If you can't tell the difference *shrug*. Here it goes...
It burns my biscuits when people are NOT real. Like people who put on a front for others or portray an image that is false. #stupid! Allow me to take the time to dispel some rumors going around. I am NOT a celebrity. Just a cool guy. I might be a little cocky because I've put in HARD work and I see it finally paying off- YES. Celebrity- NO! And I may be guilty of putting on a front a time or two. But I can ADMIT that I wasn't myself in those times.
Perfect example: At one point and time I tried to simultaneously be a Gangster and a Romeo. And that ish got me locked up! Pause: (Gasps) Dukes, you went to jail? YES! With REAL criminals. But trust, I ain't go out like no B*&^%! Play: Valentine's Night of THIS year! 2011! I was on the way to see my babe. But the bad part was... I was ALREADY jumping on thin ice with the law. Because I have a wee little bitty itsy inkling of a speeding problem. And I wasn't really sure if I had ANY points on my license. But I didn't want to find out. Not tonight. Because I was going on tour the VERY next day, so I just HAD to have a great Valentine's Night. It wasn't an option. Because at 11:00am the next day, I would be on a plane and not returning for eight weeks!
So... Oh... Yea... she was gonna get ALL of this good loving so that another nigga didn't have to come in and comfort her while I was on the road. So, the smartest thing to do would have been to leave earlier and spend the day with her. No... my dumbass decides to leave at night. I think it was around 10 o'clock. And she wanted to go out to eat too. Oh ish, it's 10:30pm and McDonalds closes at Midnight. VRM....... VVVVRRRMMMM... I'm speeding down the highway with a bear, a GIGANTIC box of chocolates, a card with an orginal poem and three magnums. *cop lights* "Woop Woop"! SSSSSSSHHHHHHHIIIIIITTTTT! The cop stops me, comes to the car and says, "License and Registration please..." I hand it to him. "Is there a reason you were going this fast, uh... Mr. Dukes."
My response, "Cause ain't no cops ever on this road, sir."
He chuckled... "Wow... Ok. Uh... Lucky me and and lucky you, huh? Be right back."
So I'm praying and praying HARD! Pause: Why do we always pray AFTER we get in trouble? We need to start praying for Grace and Favor at the beginning of the day because you never know what the day may bring. Play: He stays in the car for a LONG... time! This gave me time to think of EVERY sin I've ever committed and ask The Lord for forgiveness for EVERY single one.
"Lord, you know I wasn't smoking cigarettes at six months old. My dad put those in my car seat. And hearing them tell the story twenty years later, I want to ask you for forgiveness for stealing. Lord, yes I looked under my first grade teacher's skirt. Yes, I knew why I was looking. I wanted to learn. And since she was my teacher, I felt that she should do her job- TEACH! But if I was wrong, I repent. Lord,..." And this went on nonstop for another thirty minutes!
The cop came back to the car and didn't even ask me anymore questions. He opened my car door FOR me! "Mr. Dukes, go on and step out the car for me, head to the back, and hands on the trunk... You know what this is about, don't you? In the state of South Carolina you can NOT operate a vehicle with a suspended license. And Mr. Dukes, you have NO points on your license. I'm going to have to take you downtown." WHAT?! I took off running... But in the TWO seconds I ran, I thought, "Man... If I end up on Cops getting my head bashed in, then that won't be a good look for my career." So, I just ran around the car two times and jumped in the driver's side. The cop is SPAZIN because I'm not really running AWAY, I was just running scared. So, when I jump in the driver's side, I act like I put my car in park. I explain to the cop, "If it's not in park, it will roll." (Made absolutely NO sense, but the only thing that came to my head).
He puts me in the front seat of HIS car and calls the tow truck. While waiting he asks me, "Mr. Dukes, what's so important that you are flying down the back roads of my city?"
"Honestly, sir?"
"Yes, I would like to know Mr. Dukes. Honestly..."
"Honestly, I think you are being nosey. If I tell you, I'm still NOT getting out of these handcuffs." And I start to sing, "Wade... in the wa-ter... Wade... in the water Jeeeeesssuuuusss.... Wade..."
"Mr. Dukes, are you a comedian?"
"No, just a guy with a hard di- I mean- penis who won't get to put it to use because I'm kickin it with you! Can I at least call my lil' lady and let her know that I won't get to make it tonight?"
"Sure... but under one condition. A ten second call and you can't say you are arrested."
He unlocked the cuffs to let me use my cell phone one last time. (ringgg... ringggg...)
"Hello? Where you at? UGH..."
Now I'm playing Taboo with my boo on the phone, "Babe. No POINT to stop at Wal-Mart. Stopped at K-Mart, BLUE light special, lion CAGE circus TICKETS..."
"What?! Huh????"
"Ok... Bye..."
Downtown we go... And DAMN right I was highly upset. I wasn't upset that I got arrested or that I was spending the night in a cold cell on Valentine's Day, I was mad that I threw away the receipt once I left the store. Note to self: Do NOT throw away the receipt until the gift has been delivered. That was an expensive ass box of chocolates! #imjussayin. And you probably thinking, "AWWW... She must have been special for you to risk going to jail on V-Day." Answer: F- NO! Now, she is... FIVE months later! But then, Negative! I coulda Skyped her! lol...
And the WHOLE point of this story is to say, STAY in YOUR lane. Don't try to be something you not. Don't lie to others, and more importantly, don't lie to yourself!
Summary:
1.) Be yourself
2.) Jay Dukes is a FUTURE Celebrity
3.) NEVER take my advice
4.) Wait till my next blog!
Jay Dukes aka Mr. Million Dollars aka Mr. "Hey.. You Look Familiar"
It burns my biscuits when people are NOT real. Like people who put on a front for others or portray an image that is false. #stupid! Allow me to take the time to dispel some rumors going around. I am NOT a celebrity. Just a cool guy. I might be a little cocky because I've put in HARD work and I see it finally paying off- YES. Celebrity- NO! And I may be guilty of putting on a front a time or two. But I can ADMIT that I wasn't myself in those times.
Perfect example: At one point and time I tried to simultaneously be a Gangster and a Romeo. And that ish got me locked up! Pause: (Gasps) Dukes, you went to jail? YES! With REAL criminals. But trust, I ain't go out like no B*&^%! Play: Valentine's Night of THIS year! 2011! I was on the way to see my babe. But the bad part was... I was ALREADY jumping on thin ice with the law. Because I have a wee little bitty itsy inkling of a speeding problem. And I wasn't really sure if I had ANY points on my license. But I didn't want to find out. Not tonight. Because I was going on tour the VERY next day, so I just HAD to have a great Valentine's Night. It wasn't an option. Because at 11:00am the next day, I would be on a plane and not returning for eight weeks!
So... Oh... Yea... she was gonna get ALL of this good loving so that another nigga didn't have to come in and comfort her while I was on the road. So, the smartest thing to do would have been to leave earlier and spend the day with her. No... my dumbass decides to leave at night. I think it was around 10 o'clock. And she wanted to go out to eat too. Oh ish, it's 10:30pm and McDonalds closes at Midnight. VRM....... VVVVRRRMMMM... I'm speeding down the highway with a bear, a GIGANTIC box of chocolates, a card with an orginal poem and three magnums. *cop lights* "Woop Woop"! SSSSSSSHHHHHHHIIIIIITTTTT! The cop stops me, comes to the car and says, "License and Registration please..." I hand it to him. "Is there a reason you were going this fast, uh... Mr. Dukes."
My response, "Cause ain't no cops ever on this road, sir."
He chuckled... "Wow... Ok. Uh... Lucky me and and lucky you, huh? Be right back."
So I'm praying and praying HARD! Pause: Why do we always pray AFTER we get in trouble? We need to start praying for Grace and Favor at the beginning of the day because you never know what the day may bring. Play: He stays in the car for a LONG... time! This gave me time to think of EVERY sin I've ever committed and ask The Lord for forgiveness for EVERY single one.
"Lord, you know I wasn't smoking cigarettes at six months old. My dad put those in my car seat. And hearing them tell the story twenty years later, I want to ask you for forgiveness for stealing. Lord, yes I looked under my first grade teacher's skirt. Yes, I knew why I was looking. I wanted to learn. And since she was my teacher, I felt that she should do her job- TEACH! But if I was wrong, I repent. Lord,..." And this went on nonstop for another thirty minutes!
The cop came back to the car and didn't even ask me anymore questions. He opened my car door FOR me! "Mr. Dukes, go on and step out the car for me, head to the back, and hands on the trunk... You know what this is about, don't you? In the state of South Carolina you can NOT operate a vehicle with a suspended license. And Mr. Dukes, you have NO points on your license. I'm going to have to take you downtown." WHAT?! I took off running... But in the TWO seconds I ran, I thought, "Man... If I end up on Cops getting my head bashed in, then that won't be a good look for my career." So, I just ran around the car two times and jumped in the driver's side. The cop is SPAZIN because I'm not really running AWAY, I was just running scared. So, when I jump in the driver's side, I act like I put my car in park. I explain to the cop, "If it's not in park, it will roll." (Made absolutely NO sense, but the only thing that came to my head).
He puts me in the front seat of HIS car and calls the tow truck. While waiting he asks me, "Mr. Dukes, what's so important that you are flying down the back roads of my city?"
"Honestly, sir?"
"Yes, I would like to know Mr. Dukes. Honestly..."
"Honestly, I think you are being nosey. If I tell you, I'm still NOT getting out of these handcuffs." And I start to sing, "Wade... in the wa-ter... Wade... in the water Jeeeeesssuuuusss.... Wade..."
"Mr. Dukes, are you a comedian?"
"No, just a guy with a hard di- I mean- penis who won't get to put it to use because I'm kickin it with you! Can I at least call my lil' lady and let her know that I won't get to make it tonight?"
"Sure... but under one condition. A ten second call and you can't say you are arrested."
He unlocked the cuffs to let me use my cell phone one last time. (ringgg... ringggg...)
"Hello? Where you at? UGH..."
Now I'm playing Taboo with my boo on the phone, "Babe. No POINT to stop at Wal-Mart. Stopped at K-Mart, BLUE light special, lion CAGE circus TICKETS..."
"What?! Huh????"
"Ok... Bye..."
Downtown we go... And DAMN right I was highly upset. I wasn't upset that I got arrested or that I was spending the night in a cold cell on Valentine's Day, I was mad that I threw away the receipt once I left the store. Note to self: Do NOT throw away the receipt until the gift has been delivered. That was an expensive ass box of chocolates! #imjussayin. And you probably thinking, "AWWW... She must have been special for you to risk going to jail on V-Day." Answer: F- NO! Now, she is... FIVE months later! But then, Negative! I coulda Skyped her! lol...
And the WHOLE point of this story is to say, STAY in YOUR lane. Don't try to be something you not. Don't lie to others, and more importantly, don't lie to yourself!
Summary:
1.) Be yourself
2.) Jay Dukes is a FUTURE Celebrity
3.) NEVER take my advice
4.) Wait till my next blog!
Jay Dukes aka Mr. Million Dollars aka Mr. "Hey.. You Look Familiar"
Monday, July 11, 2011
I JUST Preached About Quitting! #smh
Disclaimer: This post is EXTREMELY exaggerated! I'm not judging you, so don't judge me. I just happen to call it how I see it.
This morning Cricket and myself had to work in Gaffney, SC. Pause: Here's a little geography lesson. We both stay in Spartanburg, but we work in Greenville. And I tend to get North and South confused sometimes, but for the sake of my story, I will just pick one. *shrug* Greenville is South of Spartanburg and Gaffney is North. Play: So we have to get up SUPER early to go to Greenville to get the van, drive ALL the way back through Spartanburg and keep mosying (?) along to Gaffney. Work starts at 7:00am and we must be set up by 6:30am. So, we leave Spartanburg at 4:30 in the morning! Early? Uhhh... YEA! And you would think we would stop complaining cause we used to it. NO! Because we do these things called The 107.3 Jamz Traffic Jam. These are only TWO hours. So, think about getting up that early to work for TWO hours! Would you do it? Probably not. But... we get paid per event, not by the hour. lol... Thank GOD!
But I say that to say sometimes getting up that early, and us, it's not always a good mix. Kinda like a huge bowl of cereal and only a little bit of milk. #fail. (You could add some water. But you ever added too much water? And now your cereal taste like milk of magnesia.) But seriously, when getting up that early, EVERYTHING needs to run smoothly. It's harder to troubleshoot a problem when you're sleepy. Nobody is thinking straight yet.
Perfect example, Saturday before my show, one of my co-workers (*cough* Rita P) picked up the WRONG broadcasting device. I had to RUN back to get it. Keep in mind, I'm NOT an athlete. And it shows. Not paying attention, still sleepy, I grab what we needed and run towards the door that cleary said, "PUSH". But to my surprise, the B*&^% was LOCKED! #BOOM! My hands were full, so I hit the door nose first and body second. "SSSSSHHHHHHIIIIIITTTTTTTT..." I started coughing. And I have no clue why. Pause: Does anybody else do that? Like if you bang your elbow, do you randomly let out two quick coughs? BOOM! *cough, cough* lightbulb! I know why! Especially, if you do it at work. We will look for ANY reason to SUE a M F-er! *hoodrat voice* "I banged my elbow on a desk that wasn't even supposed to be that close to the wall. And it is soooo stuffy in here, I have this irritating cough AND... I almost slipped last week on a puddle! I can't work like this!" WWWWWHHHAAATTTT? Play: My nose was bleeding and swollen, but I had a show to do! So, head up, hold your nose. And get OVER it! "I'm Outchea Grinding"!
Back to this morning: We were set up at the Bagel Shop in Gaffney. The nicest people in the WORLD! The milk chocolate lady is a Zumba instructor and everything. Real cool. But for soooommmmeee reason, stuff didn't seem quite right. We were supposed to be there from 7am-9am. But twenty minutes after being there, the lady comes outside with a hand full of stuff and heads straight to her car. To our surprise... They QUIT! No bs! They quit! Right then and there! "I'm done. I can't work like this. I put up with this for too long."
WHOA! What's going on? Cricket and myself are confused! And I'm thinking it was sexual harrassment or somebody tried to rob the place or the power went out. But noooo... They ran out of Cream Cheese. I'm not a bagel guy. But apparantly not having cream cheese on a bagel is a CRIME. Like seriously, shortly after they flip the Open sign OFF and are standing outside arguing, the Police come. One cop goes to the lady and one cop heads towards us... Uh oh...
"Hello officer".
"Son, don't speak unless you are spoken too".
(Gasps)
"When you all arrived today, did you go inside of the store at all"?
"Yessa..."
"So, did you see any cream cheese at that time"?
"Uhhh... Nossa... I don't think so".
"Ohhh... You don't THINK so? *motions for other officer to come over* I think we got it. We're going to have to search your vehicle son".
"Th- The Jamz Van"????
"Yes..."
And at this point and time, I flipped! I f-in FLIPPED! "Listen brother!" Pause: Ever noticed how white people say "brother" to us? I wonder if it's cool to say it to them? Ummm... guess NOT. Because the officer said, "I had enough of your mouth and tone. Turn around". And I'm thinking there's a bug on my shirt or something, but NO! I got arrested for saying, "brother". Now Cricket's crying and I'm in the back of the Squad car with the mobile broadcasting device talking on the radio. CRAZY...
But the friendly people at Waffle House welcomed us with open arms when I got out back on the streets. *Gucci Mane voice* I "Started off my day with a... WAFFLE!" Big ups to our friends at Waffle House, 924 Hyatt Street, Gaffney, SC. With all that went on, we still had a GREAT time!
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
This morning Cricket and myself had to work in Gaffney, SC. Pause: Here's a little geography lesson. We both stay in Spartanburg, but we work in Greenville. And I tend to get North and South confused sometimes, but for the sake of my story, I will just pick one. *shrug* Greenville is South of Spartanburg and Gaffney is North. Play: So we have to get up SUPER early to go to Greenville to get the van, drive ALL the way back through Spartanburg and keep mosying (?) along to Gaffney. Work starts at 7:00am and we must be set up by 6:30am. So, we leave Spartanburg at 4:30 in the morning! Early? Uhhh... YEA! And you would think we would stop complaining cause we used to it. NO! Because we do these things called The 107.3 Jamz Traffic Jam. These are only TWO hours. So, think about getting up that early to work for TWO hours! Would you do it? Probably not. But... we get paid per event, not by the hour. lol... Thank GOD!
But I say that to say sometimes getting up that early, and us, it's not always a good mix. Kinda like a huge bowl of cereal and only a little bit of milk. #fail. (You could add some water. But you ever added too much water? And now your cereal taste like milk of magnesia.) But seriously, when getting up that early, EVERYTHING needs to run smoothly. It's harder to troubleshoot a problem when you're sleepy. Nobody is thinking straight yet.
Perfect example, Saturday before my show, one of my co-workers (*cough* Rita P) picked up the WRONG broadcasting device. I had to RUN back to get it. Keep in mind, I'm NOT an athlete. And it shows. Not paying attention, still sleepy, I grab what we needed and run towards the door that cleary said, "PUSH". But to my surprise, the B*&^% was LOCKED! #BOOM! My hands were full, so I hit the door nose first and body second. "SSSSSHHHHHHIIIIIITTTTTTTT..." I started coughing. And I have no clue why. Pause: Does anybody else do that? Like if you bang your elbow, do you randomly let out two quick coughs? BOOM! *cough, cough* lightbulb! I know why! Especially, if you do it at work. We will look for ANY reason to SUE a M F-er! *hoodrat voice* "I banged my elbow on a desk that wasn't even supposed to be that close to the wall. And it is soooo stuffy in here, I have this irritating cough AND... I almost slipped last week on a puddle! I can't work like this!" WWWWWHHHAAATTTT? Play: My nose was bleeding and swollen, but I had a show to do! So, head up, hold your nose. And get OVER it! "I'm Outchea Grinding"!
Back to this morning: We were set up at the Bagel Shop in Gaffney. The nicest people in the WORLD! The milk chocolate lady is a Zumba instructor and everything. Real cool. But for soooommmmeee reason, stuff didn't seem quite right. We were supposed to be there from 7am-9am. But twenty minutes after being there, the lady comes outside with a hand full of stuff and heads straight to her car. To our surprise... They QUIT! No bs! They quit! Right then and there! "I'm done. I can't work like this. I put up with this for too long."
WHOA! What's going on? Cricket and myself are confused! And I'm thinking it was sexual harrassment or somebody tried to rob the place or the power went out. But noooo... They ran out of Cream Cheese. I'm not a bagel guy. But apparantly not having cream cheese on a bagel is a CRIME. Like seriously, shortly after they flip the Open sign OFF and are standing outside arguing, the Police come. One cop goes to the lady and one cop heads towards us... Uh oh...
"Hello officer".
"Son, don't speak unless you are spoken too".
(Gasps)
"When you all arrived today, did you go inside of the store at all"?
"Yessa..."
"So, did you see any cream cheese at that time"?
"Uhhh... Nossa... I don't think so".
"Ohhh... You don't THINK so? *motions for other officer to come over* I think we got it. We're going to have to search your vehicle son".
"Th- The Jamz Van"????
"Yes..."
And at this point and time, I flipped! I f-in FLIPPED! "Listen brother!" Pause: Ever noticed how white people say "brother" to us? I wonder if it's cool to say it to them? Ummm... guess NOT. Because the officer said, "I had enough of your mouth and tone. Turn around". And I'm thinking there's a bug on my shirt or something, but NO! I got arrested for saying, "brother". Now Cricket's crying and I'm in the back of the Squad car with the mobile broadcasting device talking on the radio. CRAZY...
But the friendly people at Waffle House welcomed us with open arms when I got out back on the streets. *Gucci Mane voice* I "Started off my day with a... WAFFLE!" Big ups to our friends at Waffle House, 924 Hyatt Street, Gaffney, SC. With all that went on, we still had a GREAT time!
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Sunday, July 10, 2011
I'm Outchea Grindin!
Disclaimer: The following post is the way I see life. Keyword in that statement is "I". So, you do not have to agree with me. If I'm wrong, tell me I'm wrong. Here it goes...
"Outchea Grindin"!!!! You ever noticed how many people say that, and you go "Hmmm... really?"
But, I think I'm going to STOP saying that. Because you have what you say. Grinding means working HARD. And it may be true. For me, VERY true. But who wants to be grinding FOR...EV...ER? *Sandlot voice* Pause: If you don't know the Sandlot, you still have Similac on your breath. Play: Nobody wants to be grinding forever. When people ask me, "What's good Dukes? I see you doing it." My response: "Everything good. And not yet, but it's around the corner."
Positivity People! Your outlook on life WILL change things. I promise. Surrounding yourself with negativity is like putting a gun to your own head. It really bothers me for people to get stuck in life. Contentment is of the devil. (I think) And I'm not saying complain all the f-in' time because you're not where you want to be. I'm just saying do what you have to do, until you can do what you want to do. I can't speak for all professions, but I can speak for entertainment when I say, "It's not a sprint, it's a marathon". -Brian White
My actual profession may be a little foggy because I do so much, but I know where I'm going. I say that because a lady at church talked to me for a LONG time today.
But the convo started by her saying, "So... obviously you are doing well. But what do you want to do? Ultimately?"
Answer: "I want to be a Producer. With movies AND music."
"Oh... wow... So with what you doing now, how does that add up?"
"Entertainment is entertainment. 90% is politics. However, I can't hold an intelligent conversation with the big shots if I don't know what I'm talking about. Or if I don't have a story to tell. So, I'm doing radio now for the music side. Because I've been around the people who have impacted the music industry and I know what's "radio ready" and what's not. I know the right person to contact when trying to get radio play. I know social networking like the back off my hand. And it's so much more to it, but that's a start."
"So, is the tour over? What did you do with that?"
I smiled, took a deep breath and replied, "Yea... it's over. Well... at least for me. It's going back out in the Fall, but with being on-air now, I don't know how that will work. But it was a good experience. Oh... and what did I do? Whatever they told me! lol... 'Hey... Jay, come downstairs.' And I'm thinking it's for an interview or something. And they were like, 'Yea... get that bag. And get that one too.' Ok. And my happy go lucky behind got THAT bag AND that one too!"
But PERCEPTION is EVERYTHING and your OUTLOOK on LIFE is what counts. Even though I lost alot of weight (which I haven't been in the gym like I should STILL) and I got a LITTLE, like 15 seconds of fame, stage time, I STILL wouldn't trade the experience for a 9 to 5. NEVER! I met some GREAT people and it was another opportunity to network. And I learned things I never knew about that side of the industry. But how many people can say that they've been on tour. Not many...
Another thing, stop letting PEOPLE determine your success. Perfect example, my boss was doing the schedule the other day and asks me, "Do you mind working with so in so because a lot of people look at me crazy when I put them together." And my response was, "Yea... Why not?" And even though we will NEVER go to the mall together and I probably won't get an invite to their wedding, MY career is in MY hands. And if I can learn from the person, then that's the ONLY thing that matters.
Another example, my co-worker called me mad as HELL talking about how he was getting ready to quit because he wasn't getting enough hours and he doesn't think so in so likes him and blah blah blah. My advice: "Go talk to them!"
"I have! I'm not kissin nobody's ass!"
"That's prideful and DUMB! Do you know how many people want your job? And what we do isn't hard! Somebody can easily come in and train for your position and be GOOD at it in a couple days. Quitting is for the weak. You mad and decide to quit. If they want you gone like you say, then if you quit, they WON! Point, blank, period! So, to come out on top, you MUST humble yourself, take time to have an intelligent conversation and demand a change!"
You know what? People REALLY think that giving up, hurts the other person. It actually gives the a sense of relief, "Whew, glad they gone". Just as dumb as, "He makes me sick, I'm unfollowin his a-!" #wackandbasic
Humility is what is going to take you to that next step. And I'm the LAST person to preach humility because I wear my shades inside and walk with my head held high. But when it comes to doing what I HAVE to do, in order to do what I WANT to, I have that down packed! I will not allow people's opinions to determine my status. You should try it. If you put YOURSELF on a pedestal, who can take you off? Nobody called T.I. the King of The South until he said it first. #imjussayin
Nobody knows your story unless you tell them. No matter how long it takes you to get there, keep at it! I was watching a rabbit the other day and they are fast as SHIT! No way The Tortoise SHOULD have beat The Hare. But The Hare got off track. He took a LONG nap, stopped at the strip club to blow a couple dollars, and blew the little piggy's house down. All stuff that was TOTALLY irrelevant to his race!
If you honestly feel that you have settled for a 9 to 5, I'm not knocking you. But just don't lose sight of your dreams. Set goals and make them happen. When you are walking in your purpose it doesn't feel like work at all! And that's the TRUE definition of a profession, "Doing what you love, but well enough to get paid for it".
~Jay Dukes aka Mr. Million Dollars aka Mr. "Hey... You Look Familiar"
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
"Outchea Grindin"!!!! You ever noticed how many people say that, and you go "Hmmm... really?"
But, I think I'm going to STOP saying that. Because you have what you say. Grinding means working HARD. And it may be true. For me, VERY true. But who wants to be grinding FOR...EV...ER? *Sandlot voice* Pause: If you don't know the Sandlot, you still have Similac on your breath. Play: Nobody wants to be grinding forever. When people ask me, "What's good Dukes? I see you doing it." My response: "Everything good. And not yet, but it's around the corner."
Positivity People! Your outlook on life WILL change things. I promise. Surrounding yourself with negativity is like putting a gun to your own head. It really bothers me for people to get stuck in life. Contentment is of the devil. (I think) And I'm not saying complain all the f-in' time because you're not where you want to be. I'm just saying do what you have to do, until you can do what you want to do. I can't speak for all professions, but I can speak for entertainment when I say, "It's not a sprint, it's a marathon". -Brian White
My actual profession may be a little foggy because I do so much, but I know where I'm going. I say that because a lady at church talked to me for a LONG time today.
But the convo started by her saying, "So... obviously you are doing well. But what do you want to do? Ultimately?"
Answer: "I want to be a Producer. With movies AND music."
"Oh... wow... So with what you doing now, how does that add up?"
"Entertainment is entertainment. 90% is politics. However, I can't hold an intelligent conversation with the big shots if I don't know what I'm talking about. Or if I don't have a story to tell. So, I'm doing radio now for the music side. Because I've been around the people who have impacted the music industry and I know what's "radio ready" and what's not. I know the right person to contact when trying to get radio play. I know social networking like the back off my hand. And it's so much more to it, but that's a start."
"So, is the tour over? What did you do with that?"
I smiled, took a deep breath and replied, "Yea... it's over. Well... at least for me. It's going back out in the Fall, but with being on-air now, I don't know how that will work. But it was a good experience. Oh... and what did I do? Whatever they told me! lol... 'Hey... Jay, come downstairs.' And I'm thinking it's for an interview or something. And they were like, 'Yea... get that bag. And get that one too.' Ok. And my happy go lucky behind got THAT bag AND that one too!"
But PERCEPTION is EVERYTHING and your OUTLOOK on LIFE is what counts. Even though I lost alot of weight (which I haven't been in the gym like I should STILL) and I got a LITTLE, like 15 seconds of fame, stage time, I STILL wouldn't trade the experience for a 9 to 5. NEVER! I met some GREAT people and it was another opportunity to network. And I learned things I never knew about that side of the industry. But how many people can say that they've been on tour. Not many...
Another thing, stop letting PEOPLE determine your success. Perfect example, my boss was doing the schedule the other day and asks me, "Do you mind working with so in so because a lot of people look at me crazy when I put them together." And my response was, "Yea... Why not?" And even though we will NEVER go to the mall together and I probably won't get an invite to their wedding, MY career is in MY hands. And if I can learn from the person, then that's the ONLY thing that matters.
Another example, my co-worker called me mad as HELL talking about how he was getting ready to quit because he wasn't getting enough hours and he doesn't think so in so likes him and blah blah blah. My advice: "Go talk to them!"
"I have! I'm not kissin nobody's ass!"
"That's prideful and DUMB! Do you know how many people want your job? And what we do isn't hard! Somebody can easily come in and train for your position and be GOOD at it in a couple days. Quitting is for the weak. You mad and decide to quit. If they want you gone like you say, then if you quit, they WON! Point, blank, period! So, to come out on top, you MUST humble yourself, take time to have an intelligent conversation and demand a change!"
You know what? People REALLY think that giving up, hurts the other person. It actually gives the a sense of relief, "Whew, glad they gone". Just as dumb as, "He makes me sick, I'm unfollowin his a-!" #wackandbasic
Humility is what is going to take you to that next step. And I'm the LAST person to preach humility because I wear my shades inside and walk with my head held high. But when it comes to doing what I HAVE to do, in order to do what I WANT to, I have that down packed! I will not allow people's opinions to determine my status. You should try it. If you put YOURSELF on a pedestal, who can take you off? Nobody called T.I. the King of The South until he said it first. #imjussayin
Nobody knows your story unless you tell them. No matter how long it takes you to get there, keep at it! I was watching a rabbit the other day and they are fast as SHIT! No way The Tortoise SHOULD have beat The Hare. But The Hare got off track. He took a LONG nap, stopped at the strip club to blow a couple dollars, and blew the little piggy's house down. All stuff that was TOTALLY irrelevant to his race!
If you honestly feel that you have settled for a 9 to 5, I'm not knocking you. But just don't lose sight of your dreams. Set goals and make them happen. When you are walking in your purpose it doesn't feel like work at all! And that's the TRUE definition of a profession, "Doing what you love, but well enough to get paid for it".
~Jay Dukes aka Mr. Million Dollars aka Mr. "Hey... You Look Familiar"
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Friday, July 8, 2011
NFL and NBA Lockout! Dang... baby. What do you do now????
Disclaimer: If you were the star player in High School, this is NOT for you. And please stop reminiscing your "glory" days. Nobody remembers High School but you. #imjussayin. Here it goes...
Let me start by defining lockout. I didn't feel like going to Google, so this is MY definition. Lockout- "Noun. The process of shutting ish down until somebody breaks. That means NO practice, NO endorsements, NO games, and only recycled groupies". DAMN...
So, the NFL ANNNNDDDDD... the NBA are currently in a lockout. And honestly... I... don't... give a F*&^! And I may be a hater. A guy makes 30 million dollars a year to have FUN! To do what he would do everyday on the block ANYWAY... Yea, I'm a hater! But I don't feel bad. I don't sympathize with the athletes because they have millions and MILLIONS of dollars. Just give me one mil!
Actually I'm kind of excited! Because the chances are better for ME! Every black family secretly AND openly wants their daughter(s) to marry rich. Instead of telling them to be all they can be, I've heard convos saying, "Baby... Marry the best and w- Uh... I mean... you will have NOTHING to worry about for the rest of your life". From what I've collected, the top niggas to marry are: 1.) The President 2.) Professional Athletes 3.) Doctors/Lawyers/Dentists AAAANNNNDDDD... 4.) World renown ENTERTAINERS.
Since we have a Black president now, that won't happen again for another 100 years. And NOW... Professional Athletes are OUT. So, that puts Entertainers at the top 2 of niggas to marry in the The WHOLE United States and Kenya. Not bad! Not bad at all.
No, I don't feel sorry for professional athletes, but it does tug at my heart a little to think about the promising College Athletes. But I feel TERRIBLE for their girlfriends who are currently their ride or die. And for athletes, ride or die doesn't mean that verbatim. It really means ride till his ass is broke and ride tha F*&^ out!! If you are a college athlete or dating one then I know it's a little rough right now. You not happy when you see the lockout still in effect. You mad as SHIT! Bc know you are analyzing yourself in the mirror like, "He cheated on me my Freshman year. He cheated on me my Sophomore year. And he cheated on me my Junior year with the B*&^% from my Freshman year..."
But you wasn't thinking about that ish before. You just knew to ride it out bc in two years OR LESS that nigga was going to have that L' Oreal, Maybelline money. That money to where you didn't have to just DREAM of him dropping five stacks on the make up bag. And... now reality is setting in! Uh... Oh...
So, to my niggas! If you EVER wanted to talk to a lady in college that didn't give you the time of day bc her boyfriend played college ball, NOW is the time! Go get em Tiger! Cause she's not as in love as she was before. She might have that lingering love bc the lockout won't be forever, but RIGHT NOW... SHHHHIIITTTTT... She's just waiting on him to F*&^! up!
But the crazy part is they NOT fuckin up! Especially not right now. Cause I don't care what you do, you can make up with Kobe Bryant money. You can stab her or punch her in her throat. But as long as you don't cut off her left titty, buying a ring bigger than my penis is going to make everything okay. But now... you don't know if your boo will ever see Kobe Bryant money. So this nigga is coolin... Because in your 21, 22 years of life if all you've mastered is how to dunk a basketball then the harsh reality is that she might be taking care of YA' ASS! So, if we got a good one, KEEP em! Because "the goons out lurkin..."
Summary:
1.) The NFL and NBA are in a lockout.
2.) Broke Domestic Violence is wrong and unethical.
3.) Don't take my advice
4.) Nigga... Don't f%$# up!
~Jay Dukes qka Mr. Million Dollars qka Mr. "Hey... You Look Familiar"
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Let me start by defining lockout. I didn't feel like going to Google, so this is MY definition. Lockout- "Noun. The process of shutting ish down until somebody breaks. That means NO practice, NO endorsements, NO games, and only recycled groupies". DAMN...
So, the NFL ANNNNDDDDD... the NBA are currently in a lockout. And honestly... I... don't... give a F*&^! And I may be a hater. A guy makes 30 million dollars a year to have FUN! To do what he would do everyday on the block ANYWAY... Yea, I'm a hater! But I don't feel bad. I don't sympathize with the athletes because they have millions and MILLIONS of dollars. Just give me one mil!
Actually I'm kind of excited! Because the chances are better for ME! Every black family secretly AND openly wants their daughter(s) to marry rich. Instead of telling them to be all they can be, I've heard convos saying, "Baby... Marry the best and w- Uh... I mean... you will have NOTHING to worry about for the rest of your life". From what I've collected, the top niggas to marry are: 1.) The President 2.) Professional Athletes 3.) Doctors/Lawyers/Dentists AAAANNNNDDDD... 4.) World renown ENTERTAINERS.
Since we have a Black president now, that won't happen again for another 100 years. And NOW... Professional Athletes are OUT. So, that puts Entertainers at the top 2 of niggas to marry in the The WHOLE United States and Kenya. Not bad! Not bad at all.
No, I don't feel sorry for professional athletes, but it does tug at my heart a little to think about the promising College Athletes. But I feel TERRIBLE for their girlfriends who are currently their ride or die. And for athletes, ride or die doesn't mean that verbatim. It really means ride till his ass is broke and ride tha F*&^ out!! If you are a college athlete or dating one then I know it's a little rough right now. You not happy when you see the lockout still in effect. You mad as SHIT! Bc know you are analyzing yourself in the mirror like, "He cheated on me my Freshman year. He cheated on me my Sophomore year. And he cheated on me my Junior year with the B*&^% from my Freshman year..."
But you wasn't thinking about that ish before. You just knew to ride it out bc in two years OR LESS that nigga was going to have that L' Oreal, Maybelline money. That money to where you didn't have to just DREAM of him dropping five stacks on the make up bag. And... now reality is setting in! Uh... Oh...
So, to my niggas! If you EVER wanted to talk to a lady in college that didn't give you the time of day bc her boyfriend played college ball, NOW is the time! Go get em Tiger! Cause she's not as in love as she was before. She might have that lingering love bc the lockout won't be forever, but RIGHT NOW... SHHHHIIITTTTT... She's just waiting on him to F*&^! up!
But the crazy part is they NOT fuckin up! Especially not right now. Cause I don't care what you do, you can make up with Kobe Bryant money. You can stab her or punch her in her throat. But as long as you don't cut off her left titty, buying a ring bigger than my penis is going to make everything okay. But now... you don't know if your boo will ever see Kobe Bryant money. So this nigga is coolin... Because in your 21, 22 years of life if all you've mastered is how to dunk a basketball then the harsh reality is that she might be taking care of YA' ASS! So, if we got a good one, KEEP em! Because "the goons out lurkin..."
Summary:
1.) The NFL and NBA are in a lockout.
2.) Broke Domestic Violence is wrong and unethical.
3.) Don't take my advice
4.) Nigga... Don't f%$# up!
~Jay Dukes qka Mr. Million Dollars qka Mr. "Hey... You Look Familiar"
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Thursday, July 7, 2011
The Power/PAIN of RELATIONS
Disclaimer: This post has NO expert advice. Just me! Not talking about anyone, just random situations. PLEASE don't try to fit yourself into the following post. So don't start calling my phone or sub tweeting. It's not worth it. If I'm wrong, tell me I'm wong! Here it goes...
When it comes to sex there are TWO types of men. Man WHORES and Retired Man whores. If you never been a whore then you haven't became a man yet. I honestly think it's a mandated "man thing" that we have to go through. The difference is one has the ability to say no. Female- "Hey baby. What you doing, you want to come over?" Response 1: "Hell yea... baby. I just started my car when you called."<---- CURRENT Man whore. Why? Because being a current Man whore is like playing Spades. You play to WIN. Numbers are very important. (Maybe too much info? If you think so, stop reading. *shrug*) Response 2: "Damn baby... ummm... I have to go to work in the morning. Call you when I get up."<----Retired Man whore! Why? Because the opportunity WILL come up again. This guy has learned patience and not to stress it. Or maybe he is like ME!
I confidently speak for all of the RETIRED Man whores when I say, "Sex is not that big of a deal." And let me explain... Wait for it... Wait for it... Number one, Niggas don't get as deep into sex as females do. We really can't. Naturally it's only so far we can go. You ever had a female tell you, "Dang babe, my stomach hurt. I HATE you." Then kiss you passionately. Yes... This is VERY confusing. You hate me? But you kissing me like I'm bout to go back on tour. Ok... If you have NEVER heard this, DON'T admit to it! Just smile and nod...
But seriously... Once you tried EVERY restaurant in the world, you will eventually get to the point that "food" isn't that exciting anymore. You start to look for something with substance. Don't make sex more than what it is. Time is what confuses people. When you spend so much time with a person to where sex is more of a bonus then you can play with the wording a little and call it "making love" or blah, blah, blah. But sex is JUST sex. I PROMISE... For me, sex is a natural Tylenol or Nyquil. I stay ripping and running so much, sometimes I can't sleep. But if I bust one, I can curl up like a little bitty baby... Matter fact, I was on http://www.nastynemphoez.com/ and I found my Christmas gift. Double D Debbie. I can program her to say, "Welcome home Jay. I'm ready." in FOUR different languages!
SPANISH- Dé la bienvenida en casa Jay. Estoy listo
FRENCH- Jay bienvenu de maison. Je suis prêt
PORTUGUESE- Jay doméstico bem-vindo. Eu estou pronto
CHINESE- 受歡迎家用的傑伊。我是準備就緒的
However females and males interpret sex in different ways. But to keep from getting hurt COMMUNICATION is the key! Ladies- If you don't ask or TELL the guy what you all are doing then the sex is JUST sex. But the problem is that many females think their P**** deserves a Blue Ribbon Award. ---->*hoodrat voice*, "Like, once he gets a taste of this pumpkin pie then he won't even want anything else." Uhhh... WRONG! And now... (Deep breath) He's beating your back in and you're falling back in, LOVE and backin' him into a corner hoping he will say, "I love you too" and he's screaming "BACK tha F*&^ UP!"
-whew-
All because you all were not on the same page. And this nigga did you wrong?? You didn't tell him nothing. A steak was on the table with steak sauce AND silverware. And the homeless guy that hasn't ate in three days kills it. But when he done, you gaurd the door with the check in your hand. WHOA! You HAVE to talk! And MEAN what you say... If you bait a nigga by saying (The following line KILLS me) "Don't even look at me like that. I'm comfortable with you. So, if we do it, then that's just what it is. I care about my life and I know you wouldn't put me in danger. I know you living your life. And I'm living mine. But I promise, NO strings attached." F*&^%$ LIES!!!! Don't say it if you don't mean it. I can't give an explanation to why females expect more to develop from sex because I'm not a female. If you can help me out, by all means comment below.
But for NIGGAS... (Ahem). Alot of niggas are sensitive!!!! And we fool ourselves by thinking that sex makes it all better. Hear me out. Wait for it... Wait for it... PERFECT example. You have a female you REALLY feeling. And you happen to be The CREW (refer to other blog), you try to shrug the ish off saying, "Man... I'm killing these other hoes, so I ain't even trippin on her like that." LIES! And if you are good at the "playing the game" then the chick that you want doesn't KNOW anything. So, how dumb do you REALLY feel? Because she ONLY sees YOU putting in ALL this effort and she STILL isn't feeling you like that. My advice... Chill on that trifling ish. Bc that's the easiest escape route for the one you care about. She is going to to say, "OOOO... So, you care about me? You loooovvveee me? But f-in' BeBe?" And you are DONE! The harsh reality about "playing games" is SUUMMMBODY has to LOSE!
Summary:
1.) Communicate
2.) Don't complicate things with spending time. Friends with benefits? Bust and put back on your clothes. 3.) Don't take my advice
4.) Wait till I post my next blog
~Jay Dukes aka Mr. Million Dollars aka Mr. "Hey... You Look Familiar"
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
When it comes to sex there are TWO types of men. Man WHORES and Retired Man whores. If you never been a whore then you haven't became a man yet. I honestly think it's a mandated "man thing" that we have to go through. The difference is one has the ability to say no. Female- "Hey baby. What you doing, you want to come over?" Response 1: "Hell yea... baby. I just started my car when you called."<---- CURRENT Man whore. Why? Because being a current Man whore is like playing Spades. You play to WIN. Numbers are very important. (Maybe too much info? If you think so, stop reading. *shrug*) Response 2: "Damn baby... ummm... I have to go to work in the morning. Call you when I get up."<----Retired Man whore! Why? Because the opportunity WILL come up again. This guy has learned patience and not to stress it. Or maybe he is like ME!
I confidently speak for all of the RETIRED Man whores when I say, "Sex is not that big of a deal." And let me explain... Wait for it... Wait for it... Number one, Niggas don't get as deep into sex as females do. We really can't. Naturally it's only so far we can go. You ever had a female tell you, "Dang babe, my stomach hurt. I HATE you." Then kiss you passionately. Yes... This is VERY confusing. You hate me? But you kissing me like I'm bout to go back on tour. Ok... If you have NEVER heard this, DON'T admit to it! Just smile and nod...
But seriously... Once you tried EVERY restaurant in the world, you will eventually get to the point that "food" isn't that exciting anymore. You start to look for something with substance. Don't make sex more than what it is. Time is what confuses people. When you spend so much time with a person to where sex is more of a bonus then you can play with the wording a little and call it "making love" or blah, blah, blah. But sex is JUST sex. I PROMISE... For me, sex is a natural Tylenol or Nyquil. I stay ripping and running so much, sometimes I can't sleep. But if I bust one, I can curl up like a little bitty baby... Matter fact, I was on http://www.nastynemphoez.com/ and I found my Christmas gift. Double D Debbie. I can program her to say, "Welcome home Jay. I'm ready." in FOUR different languages!
SPANISH- Dé la bienvenida en casa Jay. Estoy listo
FRENCH- Jay bienvenu de maison. Je suis prêt
PORTUGUESE- Jay doméstico bem-vindo. Eu estou pronto
CHINESE- 受歡迎家用的傑伊。我是準備就緒的
However females and males interpret sex in different ways. But to keep from getting hurt COMMUNICATION is the key! Ladies- If you don't ask or TELL the guy what you all are doing then the sex is JUST sex. But the problem is that many females think their P**** deserves a Blue Ribbon Award. ---->*hoodrat voice*, "Like, once he gets a taste of this pumpkin pie then he won't even want anything else." Uhhh... WRONG! And now... (Deep breath) He's beating your back in and you're falling back in, LOVE and backin' him into a corner hoping he will say, "I love you too" and he's screaming "BACK tha F*&^ UP!"
-whew-
All because you all were not on the same page. And this nigga did you wrong?? You didn't tell him nothing. A steak was on the table with steak sauce AND silverware. And the homeless guy that hasn't ate in three days kills it. But when he done, you gaurd the door with the check in your hand. WHOA! You HAVE to talk! And MEAN what you say... If you bait a nigga by saying (The following line KILLS me) "Don't even look at me like that. I'm comfortable with you. So, if we do it, then that's just what it is. I care about my life and I know you wouldn't put me in danger. I know you living your life. And I'm living mine. But I promise, NO strings attached." F*&^%$ LIES!!!! Don't say it if you don't mean it. I can't give an explanation to why females expect more to develop from sex because I'm not a female. If you can help me out, by all means comment below.
But for NIGGAS... (Ahem). Alot of niggas are sensitive!!!! And we fool ourselves by thinking that sex makes it all better. Hear me out. Wait for it... Wait for it... PERFECT example. You have a female you REALLY feeling. And you happen to be The CREW (refer to other blog), you try to shrug the ish off saying, "Man... I'm killing these other hoes, so I ain't even trippin on her like that." LIES! And if you are good at the "playing the game" then the chick that you want doesn't KNOW anything. So, how dumb do you REALLY feel? Because she ONLY sees YOU putting in ALL this effort and she STILL isn't feeling you like that. My advice... Chill on that trifling ish. Bc that's the easiest escape route for the one you care about. She is going to to say, "OOOO... So, you care about me? You loooovvveee me? But f-in' BeBe?" And you are DONE! The harsh reality about "playing games" is SUUMMMBODY has to LOSE!
Summary:
1.) Communicate
2.) Don't complicate things with spending time. Friends with benefits? Bust and put back on your clothes. 3.) Don't take my advice
4.) Wait till I post my next blog
~Jay Dukes aka Mr. Million Dollars aka Mr. "Hey... You Look Familiar"
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Relationship Tips for People NOT in a Relationship
Disclaimer: This post has ABSOLUTELY NO facts to back it up. No expert advice, just ME! Take the good with the bad. If I'm wrong, tell me I'm wrong!
Tip #1: KNOW your place.
In almost every "ship", whether it's friend or relation, you have the captain and crew. The captain doesn't do nothing but say "Turn left. A glacier is ahead matees!" Or you go get the captain when things really get crazy. But most of the time, the captain just enjoys the ride because they have earned that right. Their background work experience has put them on that pedestal.
Then you have the CREW! The crew really does ALL the work. They cook, clean, come to work on time and never leave early! If they stop working the ship WILL sink. The captain really doesn't care if it sinks or not bc the captain has the credentials to jump to another ship. #easy.
Are you the Captain or the CREW????
Tip #2: LISTEN
As the crew have you asked the captain to help you out? You can't cook and clean at the same time ALL the time. So, you politely ask, "Mr./Mrs. Captain can you PLEASE mop the deck while I cook?" And if they don't meet your requests, then obviously they don't care that much about this DAMN ship as you do!
Tip #3: Stop screaming FAIR.
The Fair comes in October! If your ship is not steering the way you want it to, then it is YOUR fault! You have already acknowledged that your captain is NOT willing to put in any work. So, you just stay on the ship to work like a slave. That was YOUR decision! Stop crying about the situation. Two options. 1.) Keep doing 100%, hoping that one day they make up for lost time. or 2.) Fall back and only put in 50%. When stuff isn't getting done around the ship, the captain WILL say enough is enough. They will get tired of eating off dirty plates or looking at a filthy toilet. They will either help out because they CARE or ride... You never know until you give them OPTIONS... It's scary to think about it. But how many people realized later on down the road that some of your old ships sailed for so long bc YOU did ALL the work. How easy is it to go to work, clock in, go back to sleep at your desk, and clock out. But STILL get paid!!!! (Where do I put in my application?)
Tip #4: Stop comparing!!!!
"Umm... Do yall have air condition on here? Like... Why yall water don't get hot? Yall don't have couches in the lounge? Seriously...? My last ship had..." PAUSE! Just SHUT THA F*&^ UP!!!! If your last ship was soooo amazing, then WHY are you NOT still on it? Hello...? Excuse me? Oh... You quiet now? Your last ship may have been a Yatch, but your beloved Captain must have brought in another crew or YOU slacked off... Ok... Maybe this ship doesn't have it all together, yet. But do YOU???? Pause: Move your toes real quick. Play: You messed up soooo bad on your last ship, that you couldn't just walk onto the new ship dealership. Ok, this ship may be a little banged up and not brand new. But it's new to YOU! On your LAST ship- You NEVER paid your bill on time. On your LAST ship- You didn't put in the effort to make it work, you put in all your effort investivating ish and entertaining meaningless things. So, look at your CREDIT! You BETTER be glad we didn't ask you to come with CASH! But you want to complain and COMPARE? #killyourself. If your LAST ship was soooo perfect, ask them if they still hiring!
Tip #5: Be SELFISH!!!!
Remember you are NOT in a relationship. So, even though you want to think NOTHING else is going on, just be prepared for the worst. Not being in a relationship is like being in a race against the clock. It would be easier if you were side by side with your competitors, but you don't even know if you have any. If you want to take her out to eat, do it! If you want to chill tonight, ASK! Why not? What can you lose? Being considerate leaves room for nigga to beat your time! BUT... watch that fine line between just putting in effort and being annoying and pushy. Which leads me to Tip NUMBER...
Tip #6: LET THEM be the BAD GUY
Nobody, and I repeat, NOBODY wants to be the bad guy. This requires common sense and paying attention. Consider your almost relationship as a job. If you are putting in all the work, then obviously you are the employee. Now, your boss is trying their HARDEST to fire you. But... they can't because they have no reason to. You come in on time EVERYDAY, meeting your quotas and going above & beyond. But one day... just one day... you have to come in late because your grandmother is sick and Jun Bug got shot this weekend. All your boss hears is, "Oh... Late? Well... either get here or I'm going to have to write you up. I'm sorry. But if you can't make it one time then maybe this isn't the job for you. I need DEPENDABLE employees." WHHHAAAATTTTT?! But since it falls on YOU, you can't have that. You send Jun Bug a Get Well card in the mail and Skype your grandma from your desk. But you definitely took your ass to work and made it ON TIME! Think for a moment: Does everytime something comes up, your boss is ALWAYS looking to fire you? Never get a warning or just taken off the schedule? You took 17 minutes on a 15 minute break and you are JUMPING on thin ice! Just think about it...
Tip #7: And notice the MOST important thing. TIME!
You will NEVER get time back. But is the person you are not in a relationship with even worth your time? If the answer is yes, do your actions show that? Did you take the TIME to text them Good Morning. Did you take the TIME to call them back. Did you take the TIME to listen because they had a bad day at work. Did you take the TIME fix without looking to fuck. If you did, my hat goes off to you bc remember, you are still NOT in a relationship!
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Tip #1: KNOW your place.
In almost every "ship", whether it's friend or relation, you have the captain and crew. The captain doesn't do nothing but say "Turn left. A glacier is ahead matees!" Or you go get the captain when things really get crazy. But most of the time, the captain just enjoys the ride because they have earned that right. Their background work experience has put them on that pedestal.
Then you have the CREW! The crew really does ALL the work. They cook, clean, come to work on time and never leave early! If they stop working the ship WILL sink. The captain really doesn't care if it sinks or not bc the captain has the credentials to jump to another ship. #easy.
Are you the Captain or the CREW????
Tip #2: LISTEN
As the crew have you asked the captain to help you out? You can't cook and clean at the same time ALL the time. So, you politely ask, "Mr./Mrs. Captain can you PLEASE mop the deck while I cook?" And if they don't meet your requests, then obviously they don't care that much about this DAMN ship as you do!
Tip #3: Stop screaming FAIR.
The Fair comes in October! If your ship is not steering the way you want it to, then it is YOUR fault! You have already acknowledged that your captain is NOT willing to put in any work. So, you just stay on the ship to work like a slave. That was YOUR decision! Stop crying about the situation. Two options. 1.) Keep doing 100%, hoping that one day they make up for lost time. or 2.) Fall back and only put in 50%. When stuff isn't getting done around the ship, the captain WILL say enough is enough. They will get tired of eating off dirty plates or looking at a filthy toilet. They will either help out because they CARE or ride... You never know until you give them OPTIONS... It's scary to think about it. But how many people realized later on down the road that some of your old ships sailed for so long bc YOU did ALL the work. How easy is it to go to work, clock in, go back to sleep at your desk, and clock out. But STILL get paid!!!! (Where do I put in my application?)
Tip #4: Stop comparing!!!!
"Umm... Do yall have air condition on here? Like... Why yall water don't get hot? Yall don't have couches in the lounge? Seriously...? My last ship had..." PAUSE! Just SHUT THA F*&^ UP!!!! If your last ship was soooo amazing, then WHY are you NOT still on it? Hello...? Excuse me? Oh... You quiet now? Your last ship may have been a Yatch, but your beloved Captain must have brought in another crew or YOU slacked off... Ok... Maybe this ship doesn't have it all together, yet. But do YOU???? Pause: Move your toes real quick. Play: You messed up soooo bad on your last ship, that you couldn't just walk onto the new ship dealership. Ok, this ship may be a little banged up and not brand new. But it's new to YOU! On your LAST ship- You NEVER paid your bill on time. On your LAST ship- You didn't put in the effort to make it work, you put in all your effort investivating ish and entertaining meaningless things. So, look at your CREDIT! You BETTER be glad we didn't ask you to come with CASH! But you want to complain and COMPARE? #killyourself. If your LAST ship was soooo perfect, ask them if they still hiring!
Tip #5: Be SELFISH!!!!
Remember you are NOT in a relationship. So, even though you want to think NOTHING else is going on, just be prepared for the worst. Not being in a relationship is like being in a race against the clock. It would be easier if you were side by side with your competitors, but you don't even know if you have any. If you want to take her out to eat, do it! If you want to chill tonight, ASK! Why not? What can you lose? Being considerate leaves room for nigga to beat your time! BUT... watch that fine line between just putting in effort and being annoying and pushy. Which leads me to Tip NUMBER...
Tip #6: LET THEM be the BAD GUY
Nobody, and I repeat, NOBODY wants to be the bad guy. This requires common sense and paying attention. Consider your almost relationship as a job. If you are putting in all the work, then obviously you are the employee. Now, your boss is trying their HARDEST to fire you. But... they can't because they have no reason to. You come in on time EVERYDAY, meeting your quotas and going above & beyond. But one day... just one day... you have to come in late because your grandmother is sick and Jun Bug got shot this weekend. All your boss hears is, "Oh... Late? Well... either get here or I'm going to have to write you up. I'm sorry. But if you can't make it one time then maybe this isn't the job for you. I need DEPENDABLE employees." WHHHAAAATTTTT?! But since it falls on YOU, you can't have that. You send Jun Bug a Get Well card in the mail and Skype your grandma from your desk. But you definitely took your ass to work and made it ON TIME! Think for a moment: Does everytime something comes up, your boss is ALWAYS looking to fire you? Never get a warning or just taken off the schedule? You took 17 minutes on a 15 minute break and you are JUMPING on thin ice! Just think about it...
Tip #7: And notice the MOST important thing. TIME!
You will NEVER get time back. But is the person you are not in a relationship with even worth your time? If the answer is yes, do your actions show that? Did you take the TIME to text them Good Morning. Did you take the TIME to call them back. Did you take the TIME to listen because they had a bad day at work. Did you take the TIME fix without looking to fuck. If you did, my hat goes off to you bc remember, you are still NOT in a relationship!
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Monday, July 4, 2011
Another interesting day at work! 107.3 Jamz! BBQ Crashers 07/03
Disclaimer: The following post is EXTREMELY exaggerated and may come off a little cocky, but this is the best way to tell how my day went yesterday.
*In my best Deacon voice* "Church please turn to the Book of Jamz, Chapter 7, Verse 3. (A-hem) And when the storms came, the HOT disciples started to worry. Lightning struck and they scattered. But oh... no satan. Get thee behind me! Because this was clearly workings off the enemy. Because Jay Dukes had another town to go to and another chance to spread the Gospel.
Pause: You ever notice when you are excited about something satan tries to RAIN on your parade? But NO WEAPON... *praise break* Ok... Play!
And on top of the lightning and the thunder, one of Jamz disciples wasn't picking up his phone. Pause: They had cell phones in the Bible? Yes! Shut up! Play! So with not being able to contact disciple Juliano, how were we going to get the row boat to Jerusalem?
The city was starting to run a muck. Everybody was frantic. Another disciple, Cricket, kept calling and calling concerned that the elements had taken us off course. And Jay Dukes woke up out of his peaceful sleep to say, "Calm yourself my child. We are on the way," and went back to sleep.
Verse 3 and half: We arrived in Jerusalem at 6:10pm. And the people of the city greeted us with palm trees and beautiful smelling oils. (Meaning- bushes and the smell of charcoal.) And Ruth (Ms. Lynette Moss, but Ruth is more appropriate for my story) our BBQ Crash winner, made her way to the temple in an astonishing Skittle like dress. Yes, it rained... And she WAS the rainbow! (Not trying to be funny. I complimented her on her dress in person.)
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While Jay Dukes was still sleeping, the disciples allowed the storms to disturb them. The winds and waves started to throw the boat this a way and that a way. The biggest problem was that they both couldn't figure out how to get connected to the station. (We have a device called the access that connects us with the station and it was acting dumb.) With time winding down... One of the disciples let out an aggressive groan. "GGGGGRRRR..." And my Spidey sense started tingling. I went to my mental phone booth, put on my cape, WOKE UP and said, "PEACE... be still." I touched the access and we were connected. *praise break*
The first call in was out of the way and we started to mingle with the people. Everybody was sooo nice! We had casual conversation and one of the ladies in the church recognized me. I guess that's why they call me "Mr. Hey... You Look Familiar". But anyway... I asked her did she attend one of my previous sermons? And she said no... I don't think so. But come to find out I attended missionary school (Dorman) with her daughter. Very nice lady and we talked for a while.
One of the members of the clergy, Sheba Foxx, thought it was an appropriate time to yell out, "Watch out ma'am. He looking for a cougar!" And she didn't growl at all.. She proceeded to tell First Lady Foxx that she was not a cougar and she would NEVER... Embarrassed, pride a little hurt, and feeling crucified, I hung my head and said, "Forgive them Father because they know not what they do."
We kicked it, danced, laughed and talked. Time flew by and church was over. Revelation 5:18- We gave hugs, thanked everybody for having us. Reminded them that EVERY Saturday from 7am-10am, the church doors are open. And they said, "Say it Ain't So?" And Sheba Foxx and myself replied, "AMEN."
And right before we left, my friend toooooollllllddddd me *K. Hart voice* "And baby, I'm not a cougar. But if I was... You'd be the one. You hear me?" And patted me on my a-! Good times...
Check out the breaks and videos! YYYYYYYEEEEEAAAAAASSSS...
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
*In my best Deacon voice* "Church please turn to the Book of Jamz, Chapter 7, Verse 3. (A-hem) And when the storms came, the HOT disciples started to worry. Lightning struck and they scattered. But oh... no satan. Get thee behind me! Because this was clearly workings off the enemy. Because Jay Dukes had another town to go to and another chance to spread the Gospel.
Pause: You ever notice when you are excited about something satan tries to RAIN on your parade? But NO WEAPON... *praise break* Ok... Play!
And on top of the lightning and the thunder, one of Jamz disciples wasn't picking up his phone. Pause: They had cell phones in the Bible? Yes! Shut up! Play! So with not being able to contact disciple Juliano, how were we going to get the row boat to Jerusalem?
The city was starting to run a muck. Everybody was frantic. Another disciple, Cricket, kept calling and calling concerned that the elements had taken us off course. And Jay Dukes woke up out of his peaceful sleep to say, "Calm yourself my child. We are on the way," and went back to sleep.
Verse 3 and half: We arrived in Jerusalem at 6:10pm. And the people of the city greeted us with palm trees and beautiful smelling oils. (Meaning- bushes and the smell of charcoal.) And Ruth (Ms. Lynette Moss, but Ruth is more appropriate for my story) our BBQ Crash winner, made her way to the temple in an astonishing Skittle like dress. Yes, it rained... And she WAS the rainbow! (Not trying to be funny. I complimented her on her dress in person.)
While Jay Dukes was still sleeping, the disciples allowed the storms to disturb them. The winds and waves started to throw the boat this a way and that a way. The biggest problem was that they both couldn't figure out how to get connected to the station. (We have a device called the access that connects us with the station and it was acting dumb.) With time winding down... One of the disciples let out an aggressive groan. "GGGGGRRRR..." And my Spidey sense started tingling. I went to my mental phone booth, put on my cape, WOKE UP and said, "PEACE... be still." I touched the access and we were connected. *praise break*
The first call in was out of the way and we started to mingle with the people. Everybody was sooo nice! We had casual conversation and one of the ladies in the church recognized me. I guess that's why they call me "Mr. Hey... You Look Familiar". But anyway... I asked her did she attend one of my previous sermons? And she said no... I don't think so. But come to find out I attended missionary school (Dorman) with her daughter. Very nice lady and we talked for a while.
One of the members of the clergy, Sheba Foxx, thought it was an appropriate time to yell out, "Watch out ma'am. He looking for a cougar!" And she didn't growl at all.. She proceeded to tell First Lady Foxx that she was not a cougar and she would NEVER... Embarrassed, pride a little hurt, and feeling crucified, I hung my head and said, "Forgive them Father because they know not what they do."
We kicked it, danced, laughed and talked. Time flew by and church was over. Revelation 5:18- We gave hugs, thanked everybody for having us. Reminded them that EVERY Saturday from 7am-10am, the church doors are open. And they said, "Say it Ain't So?" And Sheba Foxx and myself replied, "AMEN."
And right before we left, my friend toooooollllllddddd me *K. Hart voice* "And baby, I'm not a cougar. But if I was... You'd be the one. You hear me?" And patted me on my a-! Good times...
Check out the breaks and videos! YYYYYYYEEEEEAAAAAASSSS...
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Sunday, July 3, 2011
MY VERY first event by myself with 107.3 Jamz! 07/02/2011
If you know me, you know I ROCK shows! I'm not scared of people or a microphone or... a camera. BUT... I just like to be prepared!
Kenny "The Mac" Miles called me last Thursday. He was in a session with my programming boss and asked me to do his event for him on Saturday. The BBQ Crashers! He had two events back to back and that would stretch him too thin. My first question was, "Do I get to be on-air?" And their response was, "Yea... I don't see why not." Then my boss, Vicky James, sent me the NEW schedule for the weekend.
So, I mentally prepared myself to do it on Thursday night and Friday. But the crazy part is that I "siked" myself on Saturday morning by mistakenly looking at the wrong schedule. The schedule said, "BBQ Crashers. Jock- JJ Solomon." So, obviously I was a little disappointed that there was some miscommunication somewhere, but almost relieved wondering if it was "my time" yet. So, I shrugged it off and kept it moving.
After going from 4am that morning. The Say it Ain't So Saturday Morning Show w/ me and Sheba Foxx, one BBQ Crashers event with Vicky James and Cricket, AND we were heading to the next one. I asked my boss, "Who's doing this next BBQ Crashers?" Cricket starting laughing bc she thought I was trying to be funny, "He know he doing that! Shut up Dukes."
Now Vicky, "Uhhh... Yea... You doing it. But if you can't handle it let me know because I will come out there."
And that's where my pride kicked in a little, "Come out there for what? I got it! I was just a little confused about the schedule. #thatisall."
She responded, "Alright boy. Don't let us down. We are depending on you. I will be listening. Seriously, don't let us down."
Pause: You might be confused at this point. 1.) Dukes? I thought you had your own show on Saturday Mornings from 7am-10am. Answer: I do. I am the CO-HOST though. Me and Sheba Foxx share the limelight. Not a lot of "pressure". *K. Hart voice* She's the experienced one and she's coaching me. AND... 2.) I don't do too well with the previous statement, "Don't let us down. We are counting on you". Why: Because I hate being doubted, but I love making believers. Even when I do shows, I have Tez, Kahlil and my cuzzos back stage and the convo goes like, "I know you ready. Let's do this ish! Let's go!!!!" And those type statements hype me up! Like AAAAAHHHH... I'M READY! LET'S ROCK! Ok... PLAY:
Cricket is driving on the way to the next event. I go to the back on the van. Basically biting my nails and ish. Worry myself. Stomach hurting and I have to pee pee. Didn't have to pee before, but nerves were pulling me apart. All I could think about was, "Don't let us down. Hey... Don't let us down". Man... GGGRRR...
I had to think. What calms me down? I can't do push-ups right now. Ummm... Pray! I said a prayer and remembered Ma Dukes' voice, "God has not given you a spirit of fear, but a power, love and a sound mind." (Deep breath, long sigh)
We arrived at the cookout LATE and it wasn't a lot of people yet, but it was cool. And it was even MORE pressure to do the first call-in becuase it plays at 4:15. It was already 4:06. So, I call the studio and she tells me, "Just chill, you have seven minutes. No... wait, something happened. You only have TWO minutes. GO!" WHOA! Umm... Uh...
You know what? Listen to the breaks and watch the videos. I want your opinion. With all that was going on prior, you tell me how I did?
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Love,
Jay Dukes aka Mr. Million Dollars aka Mr. "Hey... You look familiar"
Kenny "The Mac" Miles called me last Thursday. He was in a session with my programming boss and asked me to do his event for him on Saturday. The BBQ Crashers! He had two events back to back and that would stretch him too thin. My first question was, "Do I get to be on-air?" And their response was, "Yea... I don't see why not." Then my boss, Vicky James, sent me the NEW schedule for the weekend.
So, I mentally prepared myself to do it on Thursday night and Friday. But the crazy part is that I "siked" myself on Saturday morning by mistakenly looking at the wrong schedule. The schedule said, "BBQ Crashers. Jock- JJ Solomon." So, obviously I was a little disappointed that there was some miscommunication somewhere, but almost relieved wondering if it was "my time" yet. So, I shrugged it off and kept it moving.
After going from 4am that morning. The Say it Ain't So Saturday Morning Show w/ me and Sheba Foxx, one BBQ Crashers event with Vicky James and Cricket, AND we were heading to the next one. I asked my boss, "Who's doing this next BBQ Crashers?" Cricket starting laughing bc she thought I was trying to be funny, "He know he doing that! Shut up Dukes."
Now Vicky, "Uhhh... Yea... You doing it. But if you can't handle it let me know because I will come out there."
And that's where my pride kicked in a little, "Come out there for what? I got it! I was just a little confused about the schedule. #thatisall."
She responded, "Alright boy. Don't let us down. We are depending on you. I will be listening. Seriously, don't let us down."
Pause: You might be confused at this point. 1.) Dukes? I thought you had your own show on Saturday Mornings from 7am-10am. Answer: I do. I am the CO-HOST though. Me and Sheba Foxx share the limelight. Not a lot of "pressure". *K. Hart voice* She's the experienced one and she's coaching me. AND... 2.) I don't do too well with the previous statement, "Don't let us down. We are counting on you". Why: Because I hate being doubted, but I love making believers. Even when I do shows, I have Tez, Kahlil and my cuzzos back stage and the convo goes like, "I know you ready. Let's do this ish! Let's go!!!!" And those type statements hype me up! Like AAAAAHHHH... I'M READY! LET'S ROCK! Ok... PLAY:
Cricket is driving on the way to the next event. I go to the back on the van. Basically biting my nails and ish. Worry myself. Stomach hurting and I have to pee pee. Didn't have to pee before, but nerves were pulling me apart. All I could think about was, "Don't let us down. Hey... Don't let us down". Man... GGGRRR...
I had to think. What calms me down? I can't do push-ups right now. Ummm... Pray! I said a prayer and remembered Ma Dukes' voice, "God has not given you a spirit of fear, but a power, love and a sound mind." (Deep breath, long sigh)
We arrived at the cookout LATE and it wasn't a lot of people yet, but it was cool. And it was even MORE pressure to do the first call-in becuase it plays at 4:15. It was already 4:06. So, I call the studio and she tells me, "Just chill, you have seven minutes. No... wait, something happened. You only have TWO minutes. GO!" WHOA! Umm... Uh...
You know what? Listen to the breaks and watch the videos. I want your opinion. With all that was going on prior, you tell me how I did?
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Hey... YOU! "Like" my fan page PLEASE... JAY DUKES
Love,
Jay Dukes aka Mr. Million Dollars aka Mr. "Hey... You look familiar"
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