Stay in YOUR Lane

Disclaimer:  The following blog is EXTREMELY exaggerated.  But you be the judge of what's truth or not.  If you can't tell the difference *shrug*.  Here it goes...

It burns my biscuits when people are NOT real.  Like people who put on a front for others or portray an image that is false.  #stupid!  Allow me to take the time to dispel some rumors going around.  I am NOT a celebrity.  Just a cool guy.  I might be a little cocky because I've put in HARD work and I see it finally paying off- YES.  Celebrity- NO!  And I may be guilty of putting on a front a time or two.  But I can ADMIT that I wasn't myself in those times. 

Perfect example: At one point and time I tried to simultaneously be a Gangster and a Romeo.  And that ish got me locked up!  Pause: (Gasps) Dukes, you went to jail?  YES!  With REAL criminals.  But trust, I ain't go out like no B*&^%!  Play: Valentine's Night of THIS year!  2011!  I was on the way to see my babe.  But the bad part was... I was ALREADY jumping on thin ice with the law.  Because I have a wee little bitty itsy inkling of a speeding problem.  And I wasn't really sure if I had ANY points on my license.  But I didn't want to find out.  Not tonight.  Because I was going on tour the VERY next day, so I just HAD to have a great Valentine's Night.  It wasn't an option.  Because at 11:00am the next day, I would be on a plane and not returning for eight weeks! 

So... Oh... Yea... she was gonna get ALL of this good loving so that another nigga didn't have to come in and comfort her while I was on the road.  So, the smartest thing to do would have been to leave earlier and spend the day with her.  No... my dumbass decides to leave at night.  I think it was around 10 o'clock.  And she wanted to go out to eat too.  Oh ish, it's 10:30pm and McDonalds closes at Midnight.  VRM....... VVVVRRRMMMM...  I'm speeding down the highway with a bear, a GIGANTIC box of chocolates, a card with an orginal poem and three magnums.  *cop lights* "Woop Woop"!  SSSSSSSHHHHHHHIIIIIITTTTT!   The cop stops me, comes to the car and says, "License and Registration please..."  I hand it to him.  "Is there a reason you were going this fast, uh... Mr. Dukes." 
My response, "Cause ain't no cops ever on this road, sir." 
He chuckled... "Wow... Ok.  Uh... Lucky me and and lucky you, huh?  Be right back."

So I'm praying and praying HARD!  Pause: Why do we always pray AFTER we get in trouble?  We need to start praying for Grace and Favor at the beginning of the day because you never know what the day may bring.  Play: He stays in the car for a LONG... time!  This gave me time to think of EVERY sin I've ever committed and ask The Lord for forgiveness for EVERY single one. 
"Lord, you know I wasn't smoking cigarettes at six months old.  My dad put those in my car seat.  And hearing them tell the story twenty years later, I want to ask you for forgiveness for stealing.  Lord, yes I looked under my first grade teacher's skirt.  Yes, I knew why I was looking.  I wanted to learn.  And since she was my teacher, I felt that she should do her job- TEACH!  But if I was wrong, I repent.  Lord,..."  And this went on nonstop for another thirty minutes! 

The cop came back to the car and didn't even ask me anymore questions.  He opened my car door FOR me!  "Mr. Dukes, go on and step out the car for me, head to the back, and hands on the trunk...  You know what this is about, don't you?  In the state of South Carolina you can NOT operate a vehicle with a suspended license.  And Mr. Dukes, you have NO points on your license.  I'm going to have to take you downtown."  WHAT?!  I took off running... But in the TWO seconds I ran, I thought, "Man... If I end up on Cops getting my head bashed in, then that won't be a good look for my career."  So, I just ran around the car two times and jumped in the driver's side.  The cop is SPAZIN because I'm not really running AWAY, I was just running scared.  So, when I jump in the driver's side, I act like I put my car in park.  I explain to the cop, "If it's not in park, it will roll."  (Made absolutely NO sense, but the only thing that came to my head). 

He puts me in the front seat of HIS car and calls the tow truck.  While waiting he asks me, "Mr. Dukes, what's so important that you are flying down the back roads of my city?" 
"Honestly, sir?"
"Yes, I would like to know Mr. Dukes.  Honestly..."
"Honestly, I think you are being nosey.  If I tell you, I'm still NOT getting out of these handcuffs."  And I start to sing, "Wade... in the wa-ter... Wade... in the water Jeeeeesssuuuusss.... Wade..."
"Mr. Dukes, are you a comedian?"
"No, just a guy with a hard di- I mean- penis who won't get to put it to use because I'm kickin it with you!  Can I at least call my lil' lady and let her know that I won't get to make it tonight?"
"Sure... but under one condition.  A ten second call and you can't say you are arrested."

He unlocked the cuffs to let me use my cell phone one last time.  (ringgg... ringggg...)
"Hello?  Where you at?  UGH..."
Now I'm playing Taboo with my boo on the phone, "Babe.  No POINT to stop at Wal-Mart.  Stopped at K-Mart, BLUE light special, lion CAGE circus TICKETS..."
"What?!  Huh????"
"Ok... Bye..."   

Downtown we go...  And DAMN right I was highly upset.  I wasn't upset that I got arrested or that I was spending the night in a cold cell on Valentine's Day, I was mad that I threw away the receipt once I left the store.  Note to self: Do NOT throw away the receipt until the gift has been delivered.  That was an expensive ass box of chocolates!  #imjussayin.  And you probably thinking, "AWWW... She must have been special for you to risk going to jail on V-Day."  Answer: F- NO!  Now, she is... FIVE months later!  But then, Negative!  I coulda Skyped her! lol...

And the WHOLE point of this story is to say, STAY in YOUR lane.  Don't try to be something you not.  Don't lie to others, and more importantly, don't lie to yourself! 

Summary:

1.) Be yourself
2.) Jay Dukes is a FUTURE Celebrity
3.) NEVER take my advice
4.) Wait till my next blog!

Jay Dukes aka Mr. Million Dollars aka Mr. "Hey.. You Look Familiar"