African American Health issues

Disclaimer: If you are in church, come back and read later.  I will try not to go too deep into this one.  But you never know... Oh... And if your last name is NOT Dukes then your mom is NOT the REAL Ma Dukes!  So... Please stop being disrespectful.  And Ma Dukes' birthday happens to be tomorrow, July 18th.  So, feel free to call and wish her Happy Birthday.  I will love you forever.  The number starts with 864-316-(You only have four other numbers to figure out).  Welp... Here it goes:

Let's stop being STUPID!  We always heard an apple a day keeps the doctor away.  But I don't care how many apples, oranges or mangos you eat EVERY SINGLE DAY, sometimes you just need to go to the doctor.  Some of us hate going to the doctor.  Alot of us don't have insurance.  That's understandable.  But they WILL bill you!  Word?  YES...  Check ups are important people.  Please go and get checked out... for real.  Ok... I'm done. 

Summary:
1.) I'm bullshittin about being done.
2.) Keep reading below

More importantly than just going for a check up, we HAVE to STOP playing with our lives.  It really disturbs me that there is an alarming rate of "us" who don't go get tested.  Seriously...?  Be on some ish like, "Man... I don't want to know!"  Do you know you can DIE now?!  Have you heard of HIV?  Have you heard of AIDS?  And the crazy thing is... we don't talk about it!  Like it's a big secret or unheard of now-a-days. 

I personally believe that that should be discussed EARLY in the game.  First time I even kiss you, my next question is, "So... babe, when the last time you got tested?"  Pause: And you thinking, "Damn... Dukes, that will definitely kill the mood."  F*&^ Mr. Mood, at least it won't kill ME! Play: "So, babe when the last time you got tested?"  And if her response is, "Ummm... Hold on... I was just with DeShaun so... before that... Ummmm... Wait... I think?!"  Imma be on some other ish FOR REAL.  Pause: I can hear females cheering, "That's right Dukes.  Your body is the temple.  Put back on your clothes and ride."  Play: Uhhhhh... NO!  I'm still gonna kill her.  Just going to put on TWO condoms and try to tuck my balls down inside the condom.  #imjussayin

That HIV and AIDS ish is NOTHING to play with.  Why?  Because it's not made for "us".  Us meaning broke people.  HIV is not a broke person's virus.  AIDS is not a broke person's disease.  I can afford to sleep bucked naked with one sheet under a ceiling fan on high, bc I can AFFORD Thera Flu if I get a cold.  I can afford to over-think work and stress myself out bc I can AFFORD Tylenol!  I can eat jelly beans and gum drops for breakfast, lunch AND F*&^in' dinner bc I can AFFORD Pepto-Bismol.  But making $500-$750 a week, you can NOT afford to take 20 pills a day at $100 dollars a pill!  Why is Magic Johnson still living?  Because he has that kind of money.  And you thinking, "Dukes, I'm good.  I got GOOD insurance!"  You dumb, stupid MOTHA F&^%ER!  You can't have insurance with AIDS.  They snatch that SHIT!  Like a little kid roaming the streets, they TAKE em bc you didn't care enough to look after them.  And you didn't care about your body enough to do what you had to do, so let me get that... AIDS is going to take your life and the white man is going to take your INSURANCE! 

And yea... You might feel fine or whatever, but if you haven't been tested, then you DON'T KNOW!  And stop being a little baby.  It's just a needle.  If you old enough to stick, you old enough to get stuck.  Perfect example:  It was NO reason, I should have been scared as shit when I got tested a couple weeks back, but I was!  Number 1, I was at WORK.  And I wanted to lead by example.  But I knew... that if that test came back positive then they were going to make an example out of my a$$!  I would have been doing free speaking engagements and RIP voiceovers and all kinds of dumb ish.  This is what happened, "The lady came outside, in front of EVERYBODY she yells, "Ok... Number 3, you up!"  And I'm thinking, "Damn... What if I didn't want people to know.  Even though she didn't say my name, she STILL said Number 3 and pointed at me!  Cause my goal was going to be, just pick up the paper before we leave and that way if it's BAD News then I can just say, "Damn... I forgot to get my results."  So we walk down the hall to this confidentiality room, but the b*&^% is LOCKED!

My first thoughts are, "If I'm number three why is this room locked?  What tha F&^% is so important about my test results that out of THREE people, I'm the FIRST one who has to go in this room?"  Talking about ya boi bout to CRY!  SSSSHHHHIIIIITTTTT...  So she goes up and down the hall looking for the key with my test IN HER HAND!  Finally, I stopped her and said, "Miss lady, F*&^ this room.  Tell me NOW!"  She looked around, "Nobody out her, right?  Calm down.  It's NON-Reactive.  Means Negative.  It's just proper procedure to go into the room to reveal the results."  And I passed out.  Right then and there.  Next thing I know I was at home in my bed.  Real shit.  But I wouldn't have passed out if I didn't wait so long to get tested!  You should get tested after EVERY new partner.  That's just my philosophy.  Waiting three and four partners will fuck you up.  Because if you come back with something, how do you know who to come back and haunt when you die? 

My friend (cough, cough) *looks to the left* got burnt one time.  His name you ask?  Matt!  Yea... Matt got burnt one time.  F*&^in' wit these hoes.  He had an ole lady.  That was good to him, at the time.  And he just got greedy.  Was messin with this older, fine, thick, model chick with real titties that looked like silicon, who was nasty as F&^%!  Knew he had a girl and she had a dude.  But on some ish like, "Nooo... Matt, what you need that condom for?"  "You right baby..." Stupid, stupid, STUPID!  Because one morning, he went to use the bathroom and let out a high-pitched scream, "WHAT THA F&^% IS THIS?!?!?!"  And this type fire he couldn't call 911.  "OOO... Ouch, ouch."  So, he had to go to the doctor to get a shot.  And check: The doctor DOESN'T test you if you are burning.  He just gives you a shot and tells you to wait three days before intercourse again.  Also, tell your partner to get tested just in case.  Kinda like on Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married.  "Nah... You got it from Walter... I was waiting on you to say something". 

And ladies, take care of YOURSELF.  Because if you are NOT his main, he doesn't give a SHIT about you.  Cause I be da- I mean, Matt was DAMNED if he told the chick that got him.  He told his old lady though.  Just because,
"Noooo... wait... don't put your mouth right there!" 
"Why babe?" 
"Uhh... because I had to go to the doctor.  When the last time you got tested?" 
"WHAATTT.. Ummm?" 
"Babe, it's been that long?  Just go get tested please..." 
"Uhhh... Ok."  And she couldn't be mad because if you didn't get tested AFTER your last dude, EVEN if yall were "exclusive" then you DON'T know! 

Do YOU know?  Welp... I DO!  Negative... *happy dance* Get like me!

Summary:

1.) Wait till you really get money to start being reckless.
2.) PLEASE get tested
3.) This time, take my advice
4.) Wait till my next blog
5.) Follow me on Twitter @jaydukes1911

Jay Dukes aka Mr. Million Dollars aka Mr. "Hey... You Look Familiar"

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