Disclaimer: This is my life, exactly how it happened. It may be touching or whatever. But don't feel sorry for me, because... (ahem) *Cues Nate Dogg* I... GOT... (covers mouth), I GOT... Hope you enjoy. Welp... Here it goes:
The worst time to go to the mall is right after you get paid. Why? Because you're not thinking logical. Have you added up your bills? Have you even calculated food and gas? Probably not. But what do we do with money in our pockets? Well... What do I do? I pick up ish! And look at the tag! "Hmmm... Only $20 for this V-Neck? *shrugs* Why not?" "Oh... Shhhh... These are the same, exact shoes I have on now! But the ones I have are old. (Gasps) And they on sale for $50???? *shrugs* Why not?" Just blew $70 in less than ten minutes on ish I didn't even need! Got a dude feeling like a superhero right now! And on the way out I'm starving! Heading straight to McDonald's. But... Noooooooo! My Kryptonite- GREAT AMERICAN COOKIES! FFFFUUUUUCCCCKKKK... And I know exactly what I want! "Let me get one M&M Double Doozie... (I'm talking fast because that's not all that I want. But it's all I need!) And this dumb chick has the F*&^#n' nerve to say, "You know with each double doozie you buy today, you get 12 cookies of of your choice for free!" WTF?! And at this point, I'm turning into The Hulk! (breathing heavy) (Heavier) (Mouth-watering) AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH... ssshhhhiiiiittttt! You know what? Give me three more! WHY... NOT?!
Last week, I asked my lil' lady, "Hey... babe. What you doing tomorrow? You should come through."
"Uh huh... Really?"
"Whatever..."
I had to handle something and called right back. *Incoming text*
"oh... Babe. My co-worker wants me to work for her tomorrow. But if you coming through, I won't. What's good?"
"Huh...? What you mean?"
"She wants me to work tomorrow. But I can't if you are coming! You coming?"
NO F*&^%+$N' lie! Her response was the following:
"Ummm... I didn't plan on it!"
FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK!!!!
Reality just set in! Oh my... I just might be. No! I AM that "WNN"?! WNN stands for W.hy N.ot N.igga!!!! dun... dun... ddduuuunnnn...
I analyzed the situation carefully and you know if you are the WNN (W.hy N.ot N.igga) because of the following situations:
1.) "Babe, you wanna do lunch?"
"Ummm... You coming up here?"
"Yea... I got a meeting."
-sucks teeth- "I guess. Why not?!"
2.) "BBBBAAABBBEEEE... Wake up!"
"What...? Huh...?"
"You gonna let me in?"
*moans* "NA UNNN... You already downstairs?"
"Yes ma'am!"
*blows hot morning breath air* "Yea... I'm coming! Why Not?!"
3.) The following is a convo with you and the girls! No niggas! Just the girls:
"Ummm... So today is a special day. And I know he wants to spend time with me!"
"So, you just gonna ditch us!"
"Noooo... that's what I'm saying. I don't want him to feel out of place!"
"GURL... STOP! We ain't doing nothing, but getting something to eat. Is he paying?"
"Duh..."
"Shhhhiiiiitttt... WHY NOT?!?!?!?!?!!?"
"You right girl!" *inserts a high-five and a finger snap*
It's a HUGE difference between love, like and CONVENIENCE!!!! If ya girl just "puts up with you". You are CONVENIENT! If she loves spending time, but it's not the same when yall are apart, you are CONVENIENT! Perfect example, fellas- "I'm sorry" and ladies- "I'm sorry". If the only relationships that work for you are long distant, then you are NOT ready to be in a REAL relationship. You are in a situation. Kinda like your job. You know what role to play from 9-5, but you still live your life. Does your job really care if you go out and get drunk off your ass Thursday night? Nope! As long as you come in Friday and get your work done. So, does Shantel really care if other B*&^$#s are calling your phone. Probably not. As long as she gets her Good Morning, Goodnight Texts and daily convo. And she's a woman who has needs... so as long as you come through occasionally and put it down like you supposed to, then you have deserved that "Damn I love you. That's my... boo" Title!
Put check: I told the lady at BP the other day. "Damn I love yall!" Why? Because it was 2:30 in the morning and I could feel the Milk of Magnesia doing what it does! Oh ish! NO TISSUE? So, I honestly didn't have time to drive 10 miles to Wal-Mart for the good, soft Charmin stuff! I just needed some F*&^%$ tissue. So instead of 10 miles, I can go TWO streets over! So, do I really love BP and it's high ass prices?! HELLLLLL... Nah... But it was convenient! So... WHY NOT?!
Summary:
1.) Don't be that WNN (W.hy N.ot N.igga) Try to catch it before you're too deep
2.) A hard head makes a soft behind, but a big head is hard to sleep beside!
3.) Don't have a number 3
4.) Don't take my advice
5.) Follow me on Twitter @jaydukes1911
Jay Dukes qka Mr. Million Dollars qka Mr. "Hey... You Look Familiar"
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